Engaged Mind

  Whenever I attend the Buddhist study group on the second Friday evening of the month, I come to have very new perspectives on things. The chapter we are reading from Chan and Enlightenment is talking about how the Mahayana schools of Buddhism emphasize engagement in the world of humans, as well as living up to human standards and morals. And as I was describing my sense of puzzlement over the word 'engagement', many new thoughts came to mind. One of the thoughts I had is: why is it that so often I associate the practice of meditation with feelings of being calm and isolated from human experience? And what does it mean to suggest that true Chan is just the opposite-- a very deeply engaged practice that happens in the midst of all situations? I started to reflect on how my understanding of Chan practice fluctuates: at times leaning toward a solitary reflective calm, and other times as 'being in the midst' of life's bustle. Perhaps this reflects more of an inner conflict than anything else--a struggle not to be too loose or too tight in my approach.
     Recently, I have been thinking that there is really no need to look for an ideal form of  practice, since practice just shapes the present situation. For example, tomorrow, I will MC an event for the meditation center. I am sure to be nervous and not entirely certain on what I will need to do or say in the exact moment. And unless I have a teleprompter to show me what to say, I will likely be improvising on certain things to say. But somehow, I can trust that at least I won't be knitting a sweater or doing something else that's not related to that function. And it's that way with everything as well. When I follow what is needed in the moment or what seems required, my mind can be light, and I needn't add anything weighty to that situation. I can also trust that with a relaxed mind, I will be able  to find the appropriate words to say and actions to do, so that the experience can run fairly smoothly.
   When I think in this way, I don't limit my understanding of meditative practice to sitting on a cushion or even being silent. For example, whilst talking, one only need to say the words that might suit that current moment. It's not an attached or clinging kind of talk: not the kind of talk that tries to cram everything into five minutes of conversation. And it's not the kind of talk that desperately needs attention or affirmation. In this way, I maintain the relaxed principle of 'doing what is needed'. And that doing does not need to impress, it just ''does with" other things and fits in to the other things of the moment.
    My struggle is that I want to be able to cover all the bases by knowing everything there is to know about a certain subject. This is how I understand what it is to 'know' something deeply. Yet, there is something inexhaustible about mind, because it is always this now moment that can't be reproduced. And all one can do is marvel at its inexhaustible nature, keep curious, and never feel that one has known even a tiny percentage of it.