Clay Heavens, Clay Hells

In Chan practice, sometimes we talk about the idea that the mind is only ever interacting with itself. Of course, this is a very high level teaching, and I am not even a fraction of a way to understanding it. However, I think what it means is that it's only myself that is capable of upsetting my, either by holding onto certain thoughts or perspectives, or attaching to ideas. I create both heaven and hell for myself, simply though harboring certain kinds of ideas.
   Fine and everything, but sometimes it can be overwhelming to reflect on where to start with this perspective. If people upset themselves with delusional thoughts, what thoughts will they try to eradicate? I think this is where the tricky part comes into it, because meditation practice is not about trying to change "bad" into "good" thoughts. It is more about being able to abide in all the habit energies without trying to privilege some shapes over others. It's clearly knowing our part in shaping our attitudes and thoughts, and knowing that the thoughts are always created.
   An analogy might be something like a sculptor who is initially working with a lump of clay that is very inert, and later sculpts that clay into the scariest thing that she can possibly imagine. She occupies herself with something else, and turns around, only to see this very scary monster looking back at her. And momentarily, she forgets that she created the image out of clay. In the same way, we create thoughts and then forget that it is we who created them. In fact, we often forget the clay and focus on the image we create out of the clay. This is similar to the way that we take thoughts to be some kind of ultimate reality.
   When I am reading a juicy book (such as one about Buddhism!) I might completely trust the author's wisdom, to the point where I am having a conversation with that author. I feel as though the author is standing in front of me, reading my thoughts the same way that I can read the author's book. But is this really true? In fact, the words are not "on the page" in that moment. Instead, mind is putting together the letters to form the words and connecting those words with distinct meanings, which in turn link to other associations, and so on and so forth. One tiny word can trigger an entire chain of hidden associations. This might be somewhat like those "pop up" books that I used to read as a kid, where a single slide of the finger or turn of the page conjures a three dimensional image of something that literally leaps out at you. Yes, it often feels damn real!
  Again, though, this is only the mind having a conversation with itself, because there is nobody actually reading our own thoughts. So if I am miserable because of a book I read, or conversely, "elated", I should realize that the source is basically the same source.  And that gives me a little bit more room not to feel stuck in a thought.