" By not fighting with his internal wounds, by not insisting on making them go away, by not recruiting everyone in his intimate life to save him from his feelings of abandonment, by simply resting with them the way we do in meditation, he could learn, as the Buddha did, that he already was the love he thought he lacked. ~ Mark Epstein, M.D.
This quote from Mark Epstein came up in my social media today. I find it very beautiful, and yet I wonder, what does it truly mean? I am the sort of person who doesn't just savor a quote; I often want to know the how and the why. And of course the question, "did Buddha even think about love?" comes to mind as well. Since the Buddha hardly mentions love, at least in the few sutras I have read. So why would Epstein, a psychotherapist who specializes in mindfulness and applications to therapy, put it in this way?
I think that a better word for love might be "acceptance" and openness to whatever is emerging, as well as the ability to face something that might feel like a terrible void. If a person is not able to experience and accept their own inner sense of lack (whether through feeling of abandonment or whatever) then how can they extend love to others? Well, this is certainly my own struggle coming to the surface.
But Epstein is not simply talking about a passive acceptance that comes from resignation, and that' why I think he might be more aptly talking about love, a sense of something positive that is expansive as well as inclusive. The closest analogy that I can come up with is that when I am in an open space such as nature; I am seeing myself not as this fixed identity but as part of something that is bigger and vaster. It enfolds all the experiences I am having without pushing me to identify with only one state of being. Most of all, the expansiveness of an open mind does not confine me to one particular story line about who I am. In this sense, I learn to abide in the sense of space within rather than defining it as punishment, abandonment, decline, or any other negative social connotation that comes from discovering solitude within.
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Cultivating Gratitude in Chan
In adage 16 of Master Sheng Yen's 108 Adages, Master Sheng Yen remarks, "To get along with others, we must feel grateful for events that help us grow, feel thankful for chances to hone ourselves, reform ourselves through the Dharma, and inspire others through exemplary behavior." This adage is very complex, to my understanding. For one, what is "growth", and how does one really know that they are growing or not? Also, is this gratitude for the opportunity to "grow" so easy to come by? Sometimes growing can be difficult, and as I alluded to in my first question, we often don't really know whether we are growing or not.
Growing can even feel like stagnation. For example, when a teenager is starting to grow physically into adulthood, they may typically feel that some parts of their bodies are growing more quickly than others, leading to the strange sensation of being constricted in some places. Can a person abide in the understanding that growth sometimes "feels" stagnant? Another example that is found in Biblical lore is the story of Jonah, who is exiled in the belly of a whale. Jonah has no place to move within the whale's belly, but his staying in that confined place is actually a way toward growth. We might not realize that growth is happening until much later, when we are in a position to evaluate growth. On the other hand, a person who consciously looks at what they are doing and delighting in "how far I've come" might not actually be growing! They may simply be reinforcing ingrained habits of thinking that they are growing in certain ways, whereas other ways are being ignored over overlooked. I might think I am very good at riding a bicycle and am improving in that way, but other areas of my life are being overlooked, in the process of honing in on that specific skill. What looks like "improvement" in one area might actually be attachment and ignoring other areas.
I think gratitude doesn't necessarily have to extend only to what we call "growth" experiences, since growth is almost impossible to define. One often doesn't even know the value of an experience until it is placed in the context of another experience. Perhaps the ability to be grateful can simply extend toward experiences and people who help one foster self-awareness. When I am upset with something that a person does or says, I can extend gratitude to that person for helping me to see where I am stuck or what area I need to work on in myself so that I am not getting attached. A good example might be how criticism from someone else might point me to my attachment to approval from others. If I am stuck on the idea that others must "like" me, respect me or approve and endorse everything I do or think, then naturally I will feel more vexation in the face of criticism. Rather than taking the criticism to be a pointer to what I can improve in terms of the work I am doing or actions, I take the criticism "personally" because I am attached to the feeling of being liked or having respect or power as a result of being liked. If I can see past that addiction to being liked or being in power, I can work on the things I need to do or improve without the idea that I need someone's approval to survive I might also be able to better accept the conditions I am in and how I can realistically improve things.
References
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46
Growing can even feel like stagnation. For example, when a teenager is starting to grow physically into adulthood, they may typically feel that some parts of their bodies are growing more quickly than others, leading to the strange sensation of being constricted in some places. Can a person abide in the understanding that growth sometimes "feels" stagnant? Another example that is found in Biblical lore is the story of Jonah, who is exiled in the belly of a whale. Jonah has no place to move within the whale's belly, but his staying in that confined place is actually a way toward growth. We might not realize that growth is happening until much later, when we are in a position to evaluate growth. On the other hand, a person who consciously looks at what they are doing and delighting in "how far I've come" might not actually be growing! They may simply be reinforcing ingrained habits of thinking that they are growing in certain ways, whereas other ways are being ignored over overlooked. I might think I am very good at riding a bicycle and am improving in that way, but other areas of my life are being overlooked, in the process of honing in on that specific skill. What looks like "improvement" in one area might actually be attachment and ignoring other areas.
I think gratitude doesn't necessarily have to extend only to what we call "growth" experiences, since growth is almost impossible to define. One often doesn't even know the value of an experience until it is placed in the context of another experience. Perhaps the ability to be grateful can simply extend toward experiences and people who help one foster self-awareness. When I am upset with something that a person does or says, I can extend gratitude to that person for helping me to see where I am stuck or what area I need to work on in myself so that I am not getting attached. A good example might be how criticism from someone else might point me to my attachment to approval from others. If I am stuck on the idea that others must "like" me, respect me or approve and endorse everything I do or think, then naturally I will feel more vexation in the face of criticism. Rather than taking the criticism to be a pointer to what I can improve in terms of the work I am doing or actions, I take the criticism "personally" because I am attached to the feeling of being liked or having respect or power as a result of being liked. If I can see past that addiction to being liked or being in power, I can work on the things I need to do or improve without the idea that I need someone's approval to survive I might also be able to better accept the conditions I am in and how I can realistically improve things.
References
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46
Friday, June 21, 2019
Heart's Desires
In Adage 15, Master Sheng Yen remarks, " In dealing with your heart's desire, ask yourself these questions: Do I need it, or do I want it? Can I acquire it? Should I acquire it?" This is similar to the first adage, only I think it's more related to reflecting on one's goals. In wanting something, I run the risk of suffering for it by engaging the sense of desire and grasping, especially when it isn't something I necessary need, or can live without. The tricky part about this adage, however, is to distinguish between "wants" and "needs".
Needs are sometimes more easy to discern if they are directly related to survival. Food and clothing are examples of things that we supposedly "need", but there is a world of difference in terms of the kinds of food and clothing a person chooses for themselves. In fact, I can justify eating a luxurious dinner or flying in a private jet by boiling these down to "needs" (such as the need for food and transportation), but somehow these luxuries have ceased to be needs, and relate more to wants. I think that this also relates more to a mental attitude toward things around us rather than to the things themselves. I can eat a simple bowl of rice with a ravenous spirit of craving, or conversely, I can enjoy the bowl of rice with a quiet sense of contentment, neither clinging to the rice nor wanting to reject or ignore it. This middle way between craving and ignoring is a kind of gentle appreciation. It's not that I reject food altogether and live as an ascetic but I have a gratitude toward food for helping me to survive and sustaining me.
The other point, "Can I acquire it? Should I acquire it?" is more interesting, because even if I accept responsibility for what I want, there are still questions related to ability (can I) and ethics (should I). Ability is an interesting one; many people want to extend themselves beyond what they are physically and mentally capable, in order to appear diligent, successful or "worthy" in others' eyes. But this "can" actually generates vexations and negative karma, because it doesn't respect one's current conditions. I am committing violence in forcing myself to attain a particular goal that isn't suited to my capacities. But even in cases where I have a strong constitution and ability to do things, there still remains the question of should I? An entrepreneur can invest millions of dollars in building a factory, but this factory might do a lot of damage to the environment. In this respect, ability does not necessarily lead to desirable ends for the world. Many people also internalize the attitude of "if it can be done, it should be done", and this too is a rather violent approach which valorizes outcomes simply because they are attainable or even challenging. But attainable and challenging are not necessarily valid reasons for pursuing a goal, since even polluting can come from a diligence in a certain direction.
Discernment is needed to understand whether one's goals are achievable or even desirable.
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46
Needs are sometimes more easy to discern if they are directly related to survival. Food and clothing are examples of things that we supposedly "need", but there is a world of difference in terms of the kinds of food and clothing a person chooses for themselves. In fact, I can justify eating a luxurious dinner or flying in a private jet by boiling these down to "needs" (such as the need for food and transportation), but somehow these luxuries have ceased to be needs, and relate more to wants. I think that this also relates more to a mental attitude toward things around us rather than to the things themselves. I can eat a simple bowl of rice with a ravenous spirit of craving, or conversely, I can enjoy the bowl of rice with a quiet sense of contentment, neither clinging to the rice nor wanting to reject or ignore it. This middle way between craving and ignoring is a kind of gentle appreciation. It's not that I reject food altogether and live as an ascetic but I have a gratitude toward food for helping me to survive and sustaining me.
The other point, "Can I acquire it? Should I acquire it?" is more interesting, because even if I accept responsibility for what I want, there are still questions related to ability (can I) and ethics (should I). Ability is an interesting one; many people want to extend themselves beyond what they are physically and mentally capable, in order to appear diligent, successful or "worthy" in others' eyes. But this "can" actually generates vexations and negative karma, because it doesn't respect one's current conditions. I am committing violence in forcing myself to attain a particular goal that isn't suited to my capacities. But even in cases where I have a strong constitution and ability to do things, there still remains the question of should I? An entrepreneur can invest millions of dollars in building a factory, but this factory might do a lot of damage to the environment. In this respect, ability does not necessarily lead to desirable ends for the world. Many people also internalize the attitude of "if it can be done, it should be done", and this too is a rather violent approach which valorizes outcomes simply because they are attainable or even challenging. But attainable and challenging are not necessarily valid reasons for pursuing a goal, since even polluting can come from a diligence in a certain direction.
Discernment is needed to understand whether one's goals are achievable or even desirable.
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46
Monday, June 17, 2019
Benefits of Contemplating Impermanence
Since the recent 3 Day meditation retreat with Venerable Guo Yuan, I have been reflecting; what are the benefits of reflecting on impermanence? Is it really as simple as "just let go" whenever there is a problem in life? Venerable Guo Yuan reminded the retreat participants that this view of the mind is not actually in accord with Buddhist practice, since cause and conditions also need to be factored; what a person does does have repercussions, so one should always be aware of consequences of doing and not doing certain things. In fact, this retreat reminded me of the importance of treading (both literally and metaphorically) carefully on the ground, rather than just recklessly plodding along everything, believing that, "it's all mind, so what's the difference?". To use the literal example: after the rainfall, I would go out and do the walking meditation outdoors, only to find that concealed beneath the grass is a whole lot of wet mulch that made slurping noises when my shoes stepped on it. Now had I just gone happily along without heeding the warning from nature, what would have happened? Perhaps I would have returned to the Chan Hall covered in mud and dirty water.
So, contemplating impermanence doesn't necessarily mean just thinking of oneself as a cork floating in the ocean. Rather, it refers to a more nuanced sensibility of seeing events as delicately poised along many cascading conditions. It might even require having an artistic or a literary critic's attitude toward the characters and situations in a novel: not morally condemning behavior (for this would be crude and imposing) but at the same time discerning the clues to the underlying meaning and subtleties of situations. Things are never black and white: sometimes one person's understanding might fail to see the full picture of another's understanding. When one realizes that their view will always be a little bit partial, they will have the humility to know that their picture of the universe is never complete or completed: elements add, subtract, change and so on, in accordance with the constantly changing patterns of things.
But, on the other hand---this having been said, it's true that no matter how badly a person feels about the way things are, things are bound to change. Even the most unfortunate of circumstances has a window for growth if one chooses to be present with the feeling and appreciate its poignant entirety--not trying to fix it so hastily with a bandaid.
So, contemplating impermanence doesn't necessarily mean just thinking of oneself as a cork floating in the ocean. Rather, it refers to a more nuanced sensibility of seeing events as delicately poised along many cascading conditions. It might even require having an artistic or a literary critic's attitude toward the characters and situations in a novel: not morally condemning behavior (for this would be crude and imposing) but at the same time discerning the clues to the underlying meaning and subtleties of situations. Things are never black and white: sometimes one person's understanding might fail to see the full picture of another's understanding. When one realizes that their view will always be a little bit partial, they will have the humility to know that their picture of the universe is never complete or completed: elements add, subtract, change and so on, in accordance with the constantly changing patterns of things.
But, on the other hand---this having been said, it's true that no matter how badly a person feels about the way things are, things are bound to change. Even the most unfortunate of circumstances has a window for growth if one chooses to be present with the feeling and appreciate its poignant entirety--not trying to fix it so hastily with a bandaid.
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Uplifting One's Character
In the fourteenth adage, Master Sheng Yen writes, "To uplift our character, begin with cultivating peace in mind, body, family, and activity."
What this quote suggests is that uplifting character flows from a peaceful attitude that begins with the mind, then flows outward into the others and activities around us. Usually, if a person sets out to improve her or his character, there is some idea of either a very grueling experience or a lofty goal to be achieved. Master Sheng Yen suggests instead that it's through the simplicity of a peaceful mind that one's true character can be uplifted. If cultivating character were a matter of constantly trying to improve on one's self-concept, there would hardly be any room for the things that matter around us.
Very often, people operate from the opposite mindset from what Master Sheng Yen advises, opting to try to change environment, teaching and surroundings rather than working on their own mind. They might be compared to someone who tries to make their walk comfortable by trying to cover the world with a soft rug, as Buddha has been known to suggest. Such a person has no way to be peaceful within, so everything they approach feels intrusive or not very peaceful. This is because everything that one experiences is a reflection of a mindstate, not a kind of externally permanent reality. Even "character" itself is not static; it changes with one's state of mind. If I am always prone to feeling discontent, I often might attribute my discontent to "lack of character" or, in the parlance of modern psychology, "low frustration tolerance". But these notions are only conditioned concepts, and soon the situation changes to reflect completely new conditions. It's thus important to maintain flexible perceptions and judgments rather than using them to define one's character.
To go back to Master Sheng Yen's original quote, it's through peace of mind that a character can seem peaceful..but without that fundamental approach, it's all really words that drift in and out of one's mind-space, lacking a solid ground..
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46
What this quote suggests is that uplifting character flows from a peaceful attitude that begins with the mind, then flows outward into the others and activities around us. Usually, if a person sets out to improve her or his character, there is some idea of either a very grueling experience or a lofty goal to be achieved. Master Sheng Yen suggests instead that it's through the simplicity of a peaceful mind that one's true character can be uplifted. If cultivating character were a matter of constantly trying to improve on one's self-concept, there would hardly be any room for the things that matter around us.
Very often, people operate from the opposite mindset from what Master Sheng Yen advises, opting to try to change environment, teaching and surroundings rather than working on their own mind. They might be compared to someone who tries to make their walk comfortable by trying to cover the world with a soft rug, as Buddha has been known to suggest. Such a person has no way to be peaceful within, so everything they approach feels intrusive or not very peaceful. This is because everything that one experiences is a reflection of a mindstate, not a kind of externally permanent reality. Even "character" itself is not static; it changes with one's state of mind. If I am always prone to feeling discontent, I often might attribute my discontent to "lack of character" or, in the parlance of modern psychology, "low frustration tolerance". But these notions are only conditioned concepts, and soon the situation changes to reflect completely new conditions. It's thus important to maintain flexible perceptions and judgments rather than using them to define one's character.
To go back to Master Sheng Yen's original quote, it's through peace of mind that a character can seem peaceful..but without that fundamental approach, it's all really words that drift in and out of one's mind-space, lacking a solid ground..
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46
Sunday, June 9, 2019
That's Fine Too
Adage 13 of Master Sheng Yen's sayings notes, "13. Try to cultivate this attitude in life: if I can have what I want, that's good; if I can't, that's fine too. This will help us turn our suffering into joy, and live a happier life". How is this different from Master Sheng Yen's first adage, "Wants are many, needs are few"? I think that it expands on the notion of want by suggesting that wants can teach people about their reactions. If a person wants to live in a bigger or more luxurious house and finds themselves lacking in resources to move, they may react to the desire by putting themselves down ("why can't I get this house? Am I not good enough, rich enough, smart enough, etc?"), or conversely striving to prove that they are somehow entitled to luxurious comforts in life. But I am considering: for every gain, there is an attendant loss; the more one has, the more one needs to maintain it in some way by doing other things. A person might enjoy having a car instead of commuting by train or bus, but the price of a car, besides a monetary one, involves maintenance, insurance, detriment to the environment, fuel costs, traffic jams, etc. So one can then say, "it's good to have a car, but it's equally good not to have one".
Some people might think that this way of thinking is a cop out or a way of avoiding goal setting. To the contrary, I see this adage as entailing that one has greater tolerance for the bumps and detours that are entailed in having a goal and setting one. People can easily be derailed even if they believe that only one way is good, and that might lead them to despair ever achieving any goal. So I think it's important to think, there are many ways to enjoy the journey and strive and when one road is blocked, another might be found elsewhere.
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46
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