Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Sense of Wonder

When I am doing group meditation sitting these days, I am often faced with tiredness from the overtime hours I am doing at work. For the first half of the sitting today, I was not doing well to stay awake. It was only later in the second sitting that I was able to do some adjustments to my posture and sitting which would allow me to be more aware of my method. It's often the case that I am in a situation of simply struggling to hang onto my method.
  I have found that one way to engage myself in these situations is simply to be curious about drowsiness and sleepiness. I am not talking about "curious" as in wanting to know why something is happening (which can lead to a great many explanations, some useful and some not). Rather, I am talking more about looking into the experience itself as providing insight into the mind's infinite nature. As soon as I say that I am "sleepy", and label the experience, I end up not allowing myself to be curious in this way about my experiences. This might be more akin to a sense of wonder, much like the wonder that a child has when they are playing some simple game.
  I notice that when I have already assumed that something has a meaning, I am committing to responding to it in a certain way. If as a teacher I am referring to my students as "troubled", I am giving that experience a name that pre-defines how it will be. The same goes for any kind of experience: it's as though the label were a jar that we are using to contain the experience as well as trap ourselves into being with the experience in a pre-packaged way. But what if that "sleepiness" is not sleepiness at all but only one form of awareness among many? Would I see it as a problem or frame it as a challenge to be overcome?
   As soon as anything has become an object in mind, there is an already existing story that frames the object to be a certain way. Could this potentially be seen differently? I challenge myself to view my tired moments with an attitude of openness to know just what exactly it is, and who is experiencing it.
 

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