Torturer and Tortured: It All the Mind

     We continue to be both our "torturers" and our "tortured". I was reflecting on this idea after the one day meditation retreat today. It's a little bit of an unusual theme, I admit, but I am looking at it both from a Buddhist and a Christian perspective. From the Buddhist point of view, both "torturer" and "tortured" are really just the same mind going through different role plays. One minute, I take the side of the one who is "hating me", while the other is defending "me" to the death. We have all heard about what's called the "inner critic" but have we ever stopped to think that when someone criticizes or insults us, it is really ourselves "taking on" and internalizing the role of the other?
  From a Christian perspective, I would have to argue that the reason we experience situations where we are deeply hurt or wounded by others, is to awaken compassion within. Quite simply put: nobody is a rock or an island unto him or herself, and the trying times we experience with others are really invitations and opportunities for the heart to reach out to one who has been disowned, mistreated or simply left in the margins...simply because we are none other than that person. Conversely, we have also experienced moments in our lives when our actions have hurt other beings---when, whether we intended to or not, we too were the "torturers". This is not about feeling ashamed about this, but about understanding that the hurting of others often comes from a place of either not knowing what others need or simply being narrowly constricted by one layer of thought. For example, I might subscribe to the view that everyone should "take care of themselves" and anyone who can't is just a "freeloader". But this view does not come from an accurate assessment of people's vulnerability in stressful situations (such as poverty) but from a need to protect oneself from the bitter truths of suffering and one's own vulnerability. When I know that the torturer is only acting from a wish to avoid harm to themselves, I am able to see their humanity as well, and forgiveness is possible when I know that in their own way, they are simply trying their best.
    Again, these situations are about opening up to what is and knowing that there are deep meanings behind these difficulties which are ultimately meant for the good of one's soul, even though they feel painful at the time. I think this is one way to handle situations where a person feels deeply disconnected from others.