During our study group discussion tonight, we talked about the way that too much Illumination in Silent Illumination practice can lead to a discriminating mind, whereas too much Silence does the opposite:it can lead to a kind of mental torpor. One of the participants in the group made the interesting observation that rather than trying to "balance" these two sides of the practice, it's best to perhaps observe one's reactions, not judging the self as it's unfolding its reactions to life, but sort of just seeing how reactions arise with a sense of humor.
I have found that recently, I have swung in the direction of silence in my practice, because I am often afraid of judgments or thoughts that arise in my mind. But the whole point of practice is not to "judge" one's "judgments", but to rather be clear that those judgments are not truly one's essence. To not judge judgment itself is perhaps a more realistic process, where we are neither aligning with the Illumination of judgment or the silence of "not judging".
The point is that if I am really in the present moment, I need not fear that my thoughts will take me away from this moment. All I need fear is attaching thoughts or trying to form complex narratives from them. When I get lost in chains of thought, I am essentially creating karma from that attachment, and I become both creator and actor in a personal drama.
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