The Tough Option

 When encountering everyday situations, especially with others, it seems there are two choices one can make. The first is that one can simply see that person as a reflection of one's own tendencies. In other words, I look at the world as a "sea of selves", all vying for certain kinds of comforts and happiness, and racing to get to the finish line of life. This very much can characterize the psychology of "rush hour", in the sense that we might see everyone as rushing to reach the same goals. Another way is to look a little bit further to ask the deeper question: why are people seeing themselves as separate individuals on a kind of race, when in fact there is nothing to take with oneself at the end of life? This second option is much harder to consider, because it asks that a person see the self as a temporary sort of thing, much like a set of clothes. The "self" is a construction, for sure, but if we didn't have the current social arrangements we do have, would that self be so prevalent?
   Consider the difference between city life and a life on the cottage. With city living, there are many things to choose from as well as many kinds of temptations. The self is sometimes constructed around notions of how much we do on a given week, and this list of "things done" can easily become fodder for conversations as well. If I am not living with the pressures to do so many things, my sense of self is bound to be a bit different, or less pressed for time. This is because a lot of activity is needed to sustain this kind of sense of identity with others. If I only have one or two responsibilities and am supported in those identities, then the struggle to maintain self and all its comforts and advantages, is not so heavy. The problem is that it's very rare to find a society in which one's responsibilities don't get multiplied somehow. This is because among many people, how we are known or recognized often seems to depend on the kinds of investments and commitments we have devoted ourselves to.
   It's hard to take the second option of questioning the necessity of identity altogether. Does my identity have to be based on all these things, and does one even need a fixed sense of self? These questions seem to challenge the fabric of society itself, where people are often evaluated using a variety of professional designations or markers. But perhaps the way toward a more spacious sense of being is to investigate where these identities come from, who they serve, and why they play such a compelling role in a person's life.