Born a Minute

This morning, I attended a service for the Buddha Bathing celebration. Although technically, this celebration is about the "symbolic" birth of the Sakyamuni Buddha, it is also the celebration of the "birth" of one's own Buddha awakening, which happens when our actions and thoughts are in alignment with those of the Buddha. This event was significant for me in that it forced me to consider why I am so attracted to Buddha's teachings--perhaps even to consider every moment as a kind of vow to be reborn.
     I go back to what YanBen Fashi was mentioning, namely that the mind ceases to give rise to vexations when each moment is taken for itself, without comparing to the previous moment. This is very profound, even though it's subtle and perhaps easy to miss. Behind every sense of suffering, there is always this distant yet present expectation, whether based on the past or on an imagined future. When I fully surrender this subtle expecting, then every moment is timeless, even beyond time itself. For me, this is the precious jewel of the Buddha that needs to be protected in some way.
   Try this experiment: in whatever situation you are in right now, try to engage in a way that is not chasing after or repelling the things around you. Ask yourself, can your mind be this still and this clear? It's only when I stop wanting to chase after the image or the impression that I can discover the natural stillness of the mind. However, when my mind is moving to the next moment or to the previous one, there is this subtle disturbance or disruption which can hardly be described. In fact, even when the mind tries to get rid of that disturbance, there is still yet again, disturbance! In any situation, the key is to see that the waves are always and irrevocably of the same basic substance, even when they are in a state of continuous fluctuation.
   When this mindset arises in me, there is a kind of smoothness in the mind, which is almost akin to grace. But it's not important to look for grace moments. In fact, even "ungraceful" moments actually have this built in grace which comes from not chasing the thoughts but just letting them be. In the letting be is the mind. But even in not letting be is the mind.