Inner Generosity

 Whenever a person thinks of generosity, images come to mind of having a lot of things to give, or of busying oneself in serving others. I have been reflecting recently that generosity doesn't necessarily come from continually acting all the time, or filling one's time to serve others. It seems to start with a spacious frame of mind which accepts the entire situation, in all its complex totality, as it is. It is only when I can do this that I can cultivate an authentic generosity toward the situations around me that lets me breathe and even be sincere in serving the situation appropriately.
   I have found that my own personal difficulty lies in seeing the responsibility as an action, rather than as an orientation of spacious generosity. If I rush to complete the task without checking my attitude, it will just seem like another task to do. But if I stop and practice a total acceptance of who I am in that moment and all the phenomena that fills my mind, then the task is not so onerous; rather, it becomes an expression of my being in the world. I think there is a subtle difference between the first and the second orientation. The first fixates on the task itself and then assumes that there is a self that absolutely must fulfill that task. The second orientation starts where I am now, accepts every attitude and disposition that is there, and then fans outward into the tasks that require doing. These tasks flow from the deepest parts of my awareness rather than being 'just tasks'.
    I think that this latter orientation is truly generous, in the sense that it doesn't reject any inclination, even the inclination not to do the thing that needs doing. If I just follow the obligation and not listen to those counter-voices within, then I am truly not being generous to the emotions and inclinations that are within me, and I am lead to resent the present task. But if I see that task as also a part of me that co-exists with other inclinations and actions, then it will be less daunting, and it's also less burdensome to do something when I am fully aware of the conflicts that might arise in doing it.