Conflict

    Reflecting on how things balance delicately amidst conflicting tensions and polarities can be a valuable social and mental skill. I have learned a lot about how this kind of gentle beholding of tensions is a valuable aspect of knowing why I have conflicts, using a model of conflicting commitments as suggested by the writings of Robert Kegan.
    Approaching conflict from the perspective of interdependence, one might begin to realize that conflict is a very delicate knot. Sometimes, just like any knot, it's best not to move to swiftly to get rid of the knot, and nor is it a good idea to leave it without trying to deal with it in some way.
  Reflective practice is not necessarily about trying to solve problems or to prove one's mental acumen in doing so. A perhaps more interesting application of reflection is to move through life without a mentality of trying to separate one's being from conflict, but to see the conflict itself as fertile soil for spiritual cultivation. This seems to require a certain attitude of gentle appreciation for conflict.
   Sometimes it may seem that there was only really one 'right answer' and one may or may not have missed the boat on it, but behind every 'right' or 'wrong', there was a delicate process that went into one's actions and decisions. To try to break through one's internal conflicts and misgivings is to sidestep some valuable lessons contained in our competing commitments. Tolerating ambiguity and being able to see that 'both sides are right, in some ways', is already a kind of valuable social skill, in the sense that it loosens attachment to the self and particular views. It can also allow for a more realistic assessment regarding how to move through conflicts and still be able to accomplish things.