Feelings are Like Sun, Rain, Clouds

   In the Buddhist teachings that I have read, there is often an emphasis on seeing external phenomena as illusory, in the sense that they are impermanent. But it seems that feelings get left out of the equation if one is only thinking about external objects as impermanent. For instance, some might interpret the practice to mean that it's silly to feel anything for the things around us, since an insight into impermanence will show them to be ephemeral. But the thing is that we also inhabit a place of emotions, and emotions also need to be faced as part of the total experience of life. If I am not in touch with how I feel about situations arising, I will end up suppressing emotion out of some false belief that it is nobler to do so. Actually this approach is a little bit like shortcutting to some place where there is total 'neutrality' or no emotion at all. It almost sounds a bit like the dream of some kinds of Western philosophers and scientists: to reach the 'view from nowhere' or a kind of pristine view that is all about reason and rejects emotions as 'irrelevant'.
     But does this approach work in daily life? I think that if one lives this way, one leaves out a whole lot of rich insights. For instance, if I try to deny my wish for contact with other beings, I might then rationalize my existence as a kind of permanent solitude. The problem is that it overlooks the value that a wish for contact can have, especially the healthy way that wish can be used to create deep bonds with others. If I kept telling myself that 'all relations with others are impermanent' and then protected myself from desiring relations, this leaves out the rich learning and insights that relationships offer. It would be like trying to make one's life conform to an oppressive logic that is life-denying. I don't think this is what Buddhism is about. I think that it's the opposite: when I know that my emotions are not based on permanent, enduring situations or objects, I can be more accepting and forgiving toward emotions, to the point where I can face them and become curious about them. This is a tricky balance, because I might also start to lose the insight into the impermanence of emotions if I become overly attached to them. The middle way, perhaps, is to acknowledge emotion while knowing their conditioned nature.
     Pema Chodron is one Buddhist teacher who has talked about the vulnerability of Buddhist practice. Reading her books has helped me to debunk the misunderstanding that spiritual practice is about distancing from emotions. According to Chodron, when we start to practice taking in all the suffering emotions of all beings and breathing out joy to others, there is no longer any reason to 'transcend' emotions. Emotions become the material through which we can feel genuine connection with others, if not a vulnerable closeness. When I am really open to my own sadness and extreme desires to be loved and nurtured, I can use that desire to create genuine compassion for other beings, who really aren't that different from me. Even though everyone has their own hard skin and might show vulnerability in different ways, I would have to somehow believe that all beings want the same things, and struggle with the same desires to belong, to be needed, and to find meaning in their daily life. Instead of trying to use a logic of impermanence to distance myself from emotions, I use the practice to be more fearless about emotional states, knowing that they are bound to change or lead to new actions or insights. Emotions are no longer meant to be feared at that point.
    Paradoxically, what I learn from Pema Chodron is that the way to understanding emotions is through being fully with them, seeing them as subject to flux of life. If I try to hide emotions, that hiding only creates more problems or symptoms, as I try to block the energy of emotion. Chodron suggests that the way to deal with emotion is not to deny it but to connect its rawness to all sentient beings. I find that this can be a great way to use emotion for the good of myself and others.