Expecting Neither Easy Nor Hard

    This morning, I had the rather onerous task of having to proofread a chapter I am submitting for a publication. Though I am familiar with proofreading, I am certainly much less familiar with the aspect of having to conform to APA standards. And it is certainly a lesson in form: there are so many formalities with publication formatting, at least in the sense that it is designed to keep things consistent and neat. But one of the interesting things is that I had simply assumed that the task would be easy, given my previous editing experience with academic papers and student writing. How mistaken I am to realize that editing papers for publication is quite a delicate art, and it requires much practice to detect the common mistakes in formatting that I would normally make (such as not putting periods where they are meant to be in references).
      Later on, as I started to do the editing in more detail, I let go of the expectation that this task is meant to be 'easy'. In fact, I was able to see that my notion of easy/hard were simply inappropriate comparing of very different activities: namely proofreading school papers vs. proofreading for publication. And I also realized that most of my understanding of what is easy or hard is based on this kind of false comparison of present and previous experiences. Had I accepted the possibility that the task would take some effort and new learning on my part, I might have even received the opposite effect of thinking that the task is easier than I had anticipated. This happens a lot when a person is nervous about the responsibilities of doing something that seems difficult.
      It seems best not to impose any expectations on new situations, especially when we really cannot estimate in all certainty how much effort something will take, let alone what kind of effort is involved. It seems that the best way through this difficulty is to recognize expectations but be open to revising them with new information. Otherwise, the actual desire to be freed of expectation becomes yet another expectation that one imposes on her or himself. Can you imagine walking into a situation and being so vigilant of arising 'desire' or 'expectation'? To me, that would be like trying to walk with one's legs taped together. It doesn't seem possible to never have an expectation, because they seem to function as estimates of how much effort one thinks will be required to perform a task, particularly when it's an unknown or completely new experience. But if  I quietly observe the expectation and what it creates in me (for instance, conflict and disappointment), I can then gently steer myself in the direction of adjusting myself. So this morning, I was somewhat able to do this, when I realized that the task of editing would take much longer than I had anticipated. Once I accept that my previous expectation was a little off, I can then create new attitudes to address the challenge.

       This approach also creates a healthy matching between the task done and the real effort that is required. Sometimes a person has to 'buckle down' or focus more, or do something with more resolve than what I felt was needed from the beginning. But at the same time, through repeated awareness that expectations don't match what unfolds, one starts to be less attached to thoughts about 'easy' or 'hard' and might be more inclined to see themselves continually evolving to meet the changing challenges.