Why Does Gratitude Seem So Foreign?

  Every now and then, the feeling of gratitude arises. It's not so easy to grasp, because there is a special stance one has which allows gratitude to feel natural. It's realizing that the things that sometimes seem difficult are actually gifts. It's also realizing the particulars of people and experience which make them so unique and special in life.
   Usually, I am now making it a habit after the group meditation practice to join palms together and remind people of gratitude for the group practice and each other. In that moment when I join palms and am very aware of myself and the others, that gratitude feels quite sincere. And why does it especially feel sincere to be grateful after meditation? I sense that it has to do with the fact that one's body and mind are especially clear at that moment. But even if one didn't have a particularly relaxed sitting, there is a sense that just sitting in one place with others creates an emotion of thankfulness. We are thankful even when the gifts don't seem so meaningful at first glance: the gift of leg pain, or scattered thoughts, etc.
    On the other hand, if one's body and mind are not relaxed in daily life, gratitude seems so 'foreign' in a sense. It's as though one were driving down the highway at 80 or so miles an hour, and were suddenly told to look at the moon or a bed of roses and admire them. The problem is that the mind seems to be moving in the daily moments of life: flitting from one thought to the next, or from one anxiety to the next. Because the mind is moving a lot in those cases, it's hard to sincerely or genuinely receive what has already been given to oneself. For instance, parents might be so caught up in their roles as providers to children that they fail to really receive the children as they are, in their unique ways. The 'terror' of receiving is a kind of Puritanical terror of 'lagging behind' or under-producing. At that point, nothing is really ingested, because one doesn't take the time to appreciate what is already given to one's life.
    I have had occasional surprise moments of gratitude in places where I had least expected to feel as such. When I was an undergrad at York, I remember times when I had to print my essays from floppy disks (yes: those) and was at the computer lab for much of the time. During my stay in the lab, I learned the basics of life in computers: how to save things, how to protect my disks from being erased, how to back up my work, how to do a spell check, how to fill up my print card, etc. I came to appreciate those moments where I realized that the computer lab was connecting to me and ensuring that I have what I need to submit my term papers on time. It sounds a bit silly and quaint now, but those moments of struggle and support were portals to learning about the simple gratitude of daily life.
     Another example has to do with packing things in my knapsack. There have been times when I over-pack my bag to the point where I can hurt my back. Lately, I have been more conscious about this, and I don't pretend that I am so superhumanly strong that I can handle any amount of weight on my body. Prior to leaving my apartment, I consider exactly what book I want to take, whether I need an umbrella, and whether I need a sweater or not. And when I look in the bag, there are times when I feel an actual gratitude for what I have. I am grateful when the bag takes my things from A to B without losing anything! Do you think that's crazy? Well, consider the times in my life when I had knapsacks with no zippers (only those latch-type things), or even had holes in them. The bag I own is supporting me, and thus allowing me to take the things I need from one place to the next without losing things or hurting myself. Is this not reason to feel grateful?
      It really does seem silly to be grateful for things one has, but it's only silly because the society we live in does not respect the inanimate world. At one time, even trees had individual spirits or avatars associated with them, but recent thinking tends to treat 'things' as inert and unthinking, and therefore not worthy of too much respect. As a result, we are often not really grateful for having things. But my examples above suggest that gratitude can extend to the simple things one has to survive and be reasonably successful in the world. Could this gratitude be something that changes the way we relate to the physical world?