One of the great things that I found in meditation, particularly in groups, is that there is a way of breaking through habitual tendencies by seeing through them, and by then "stopping" the mind. It is amazing that when meditation arises, one can finally see how many thoughts are arising in mind, and how much disturbance the thoughts tend to create. But it isn't just thoughts. Whole behaviors are also built on the habitual clinging to these thoughts. It can get quite complex, because what people cling to is not just a single thought. Rather, there is a whole heap of different comfort patterns and defense mechanisms that result in fixating on certain thoughts. Unless I am aware of all the habitual patterns, it will be hard to let go of those nagging thoughts that keep coming up.
To give a simple example, I might have a habit that I want to let go of: such as being hooked on coffee or the internet. Whenever I consume these things, a lot of comforting, safe sensations arise: the sensations of being awakened in the morning, or being entertained, or just being enthralled by a compelling story. But then when I try to withhold from these attachments, I am then faced with the things that I would normally use attachments to cover up or avoid. For example, perhaps I have a strong aversion to starting a new project, or can't get any ideas for a proposal. As soon as I try to let go of comforting habits, I am then faced with the wasteland of 'discomforting ones' that come to the surface. It isn't just that withdrawal from the pleasant causes discomfort. It is also that taking away the pleasurable reminds a person of unpleasant thoughts or unwanted situations and sensations.
Of course, one could ask, what comes first: aversion to the unpleasant, or desire for the pleasant? Well, I suppose the two are intertwined, so there may not be any value in looking for a root cause. But according to the Buddhist view of the Twelve Links of Conditioned Arising (or Nidanas), it seems that craving comes after contact, followed by clinging. If there was no desire for specific objects, there likely wouldn't be any aversion either, because one would have the mind to face situations evenly. That is why it's best to look deeply at attachments whenever I am faced with aversion to situations.
The problem, as I see it, is that it is hard to convince people that desires and fixations are a source of suffering. Most people associate pleasant things with 'holidays' or nice vacations from the stresses of work. In fact, this is exactly how people view weekends or vacations, as 'times away' from stress. But if people did not have such a strong craving for vacations or weekends, would there be any reason to flee from certain situations or wish they were better? Here I am reminded of an attitude that the Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius described, which is that of not waiting for a 'vacation' to be in total relaxation and repose with the mind. If anything, now is the time to relax. To make it a habit to associate relaxation with 'some other day' is to miss the opportunity to simply relax in the present situation, in all its messiness.
Meditation prepares the ground for this 'everyday vacation' mentality in several ways. The first is that it shows the ways we feel attached to certain thoughts or feelings, and allows people to be less identified with these attachments. The second is that it can allow a space for people to be with painful emotions and states of being. The third is that it can help us to connect suffering not just to pain but more importantly to desire. If a person desires less, they can be closer to all their experiences, rather than subconsciously hankering for something that feels better than the current moment.
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