Worries

  Worry can be very exhausting. We worry about the future and we also dwell on what's happened in the past. When I reflect on the Middle Path teachings, I am thinking that actually everything is constantly changing like the stock market. The more that a person reflects on uncertainty in all situations, the more they realize that life is a gamble, and there are going to be some losses but also unexpected gains down the road. If one were to concisely define worry, it might be something like, "seeing the painful past reflected in the future". In fact, these pasts and futures are always only unfolding in a tenuous and changing present.

  I have also been reflecting on how most of the actual pain of worry is self-induced. I might have some mysterious meeting with a manager that has an ominous ring to it, such as "we need to have a talk"--then brood about it all night and feel myself getting nervous all over. But then, once the meeting actually unfolds, I realize that the suffering I had the night before has nothing to do with what unfolds in the meeting. That is because a meeting simply happens once, but our mind replays it again and again, like a repeating tape loop. The meeting, in other words, just happens: it doesn't have a past, present or future. It's like water going through a tap. We imagine that the water is blocked, when in fact, it's constantly flowing, and the only actual blockage is our resistance to what we think is going to happen, not what is actually happening. Worry is like this: it is one part fear, but then nine parts resistance. If we let go of resisting the situation, then the worry becomes much more manageable.

    The sense of "fearing loss of control" is only strong when we believe that fundamentally, we are in control. It's like a fist trying to hold on for dear life to something to prevent it from blowing away in the wind. But what if people are not as in control as they initially believe, and only have a small modicum of control in the end? In that case, we would probably do our best to do what we can, but the gripping and grasping elements of worry would not be there. And then the emotion does become more manageable.