The Feeling of Nothing to Prove

   Every so often, I get this feeling that all along, I created fake and ridiculous difficulties for myself, believing that I needed to prove something either to myself or to others. The result is a kind of stiffness in my body and mind--an inability for the energy to flow naturally, which then creates the vicious cycle of not feeling alive in the presence of others. It is as though I were carrying this cardboard cutout of a self that I thought was my true being for so many years, only to realize the the cardboard is too cumbersome for me, and it is really very tiring to live like this. I got this feeling today while I was having a lunch with my co-workers. I sensed somehow that life is very simple: get up, go to work, try to be of help based on what you know, and so on. There is simply nothing to prove: we all do our best and work hard, but even work itself is a constantly going concern. What I accomplished yesterday has nothing to do with today, and will have little to do with tomorrow. And so when I think this way, I feel as though this burden were taken away from me, and I could truly be alive around people because I don't feel I need to prove anything to them. This feeling is only brief, but I wonder if I can keep trying it out until ..or maybe that too is just another fake self that I am trying to put on to prove something? Alas, so much for the illusion of technique! But what I experienced today might be something like the experience of wu-wei. And it would be hard to replicate such an experience around total strangers.