York Days

  Going back to York University to attend a conference, I felt a sense of nostalgia, but also the sense that no matter what kind of a student I was, I was always curious. I had a love and delight in all kinds of books (literature and philosophy especially) and I still remember the times when I mounted the escalator, excitedly going forth to explore the plethora of books that were waiting for me. 

    The arts--what can I make of it? Going to York was about exploring the arts. Literature, linguistics humanities, philosophy, history, even psychotherapy--there were so many things that I enjoyed about my life at York, but most of all was the love of exploring new theories and worlds, trying to get a handle on what life "means" but realizing that there are so many refracted mirrors and lenses that tell completely different stories about the whole experience.

   I don't know if I am a "scholar" per se, and I am not sure if I was able to fully actualize my ambitions. But the important thing is that I was enjoying myself in a more basic way than what I could have put into words: the experience itself of being on campus and wrestling with different ideas, actually was underpinned by a sense of stillness, which I can only describe as a contemplative enjoyment. However, in my effort to try to grasp things at the time or become something amidst all these ideas, I had lost sight of the joy I experienced in those years. This reminds me of Adyashanti's teaching that we must try to find the stillness that is already inherent to every moment: the stillness that is even embedded in struggle, anxiety and conflict. It seems that I had to learn these things long after I graduated from York University, only to revisit it with fresh eyes that was able to contemplate me as truly belonging in that campus, even when I wasn't necessarily being recognized academically or in a scholarly way.