Bound To Fail

Continuing to read John Makransky’s book today, I am lead to wonder, is it even possible to extend love to all sentient beings? I occasionally (read: very often) feel overwhelmed by this prospect. But what helps me through this situation is to know that quite simply it is not necessary to succeed in this process. Having the vow to see one’s boundless mind is quite enough.

There is a certain humor in this realization. I stepped on the bus this morning and soon realized how absurd it is for me to imagine that I could practice “pure peace” without any disturbance in mind.  The point is that the habit is always a shadow that hangs over any spiritual practice. It is so easy to be caught off guard, and I feel there’s a need to cultivate humor about this, to know that such a goal of loving all beings is impossible. But being able to vow to do the impossible reveals two things: one is the boundless aspiration, and two is the boundless fragility of the heart.

Every now and then, if one really has a vow, something will creep into all of this: a little glimpse that who I think I am is not quite so real. This morning, I had that moment and a sense of relief came over me. The nightmare I impose is that of “a self that needs to be a certain way”, but paradoxically, one must have an impossible vow to glimpse that this self is not real, and not sustainable either. If every goal that we set out for ourselves were super-easy, there would only be the sense of accomplishment, no sense of the impossibility of perfecting the self. Only when I face that impossibility can I really laugh at it and see beyond it.  I think this is why the beauty of vows is that they are bound to fail, even when they are infinite. Nobody, no “self”, is behind the vow; there is no sustainable self that can complete the vow. Everything is always changing from one moment to the next. What better way to know this than to have the ceaseless, impossible vow?

Makransky, John (2007). Awakening Through Love: Unveiling Your Deepest Goodness. Boston: Shambhala