Material Issues

During the group meditation's "walking" session tonight, I was somehow inspired to talk about the way that all the different paces of life (slow walking, fast walking, gradual increases and decreases) can be encompassed in an overall totality of mind, if we choose to cultivate the subtle interconnection underlying these different experiences. Of course, I have some difficulty really articulating this idea, but I think that the idea is to see things in a balanced way, using a method to lessen attachments. When seen in this way, "fast" and "slow" are just different styles of being, and they aren't that much different from each other in their essence. Meditation can thus allow oneself to be more supple and accommodating toward these different gradations of being.
   The point that I want to make has nothing to do with this. Recently, I have been reflecting on a band I had liked as a teenager called Material Issue. They were very well known for pop songs that have a catchy feel to them, and I have to say that their album International Pop Overthrow was a cassette that I had played many, many times. One of the songs, "A Very Good Idea" talks about a person who is asking his love not to break his heart, even though the lyrics suggest that this person already has. 25 years later, I somehow feel ambivalent toward the singer, Jim Ellison, who committed suicide when he was quite young (only 31 years of age, in fact). In my mind, I connect this singer's untimely passing to the yearning quality found in many of his songs. Somehow, I also feel this kind of longing in his voice when I hear it, to this day.
   I am not particularly fond of the kinds of attachments that Ellison writes about in his songs. In general, I have come to a certain age where I can accept life's ups and downs more than I could when I was a fan of Material Issue as a teenager. In fact, I tend to think that the longings that Ellison is describing (loneliness?) is something that should not be indulged too much: it can get very self--destructive and counter-productive to what a person needs. If a person pines after someone he lost or hurt him, could it be that it wasn't the right partner for him? My reasoning mind tends to kick in when listening to this song these days. However, what remains and leaves a powerful impression is how raw and honest Ellison's voice is, and how it expresses a certain kind of lucidity that adolescents can empathize with. What remains is not the kinds of attachments that Ellison is talking about (to failed loves) but rather the authenticity of the voice itself: this person is willing to stick to his guns and express how he really feels, even when a lot of those feelings are doomed to be unresolved.
   To go back to my original theme: no matter what thoughts come to mind when a person is walking, the importance turns out not to be the content of the thoughts but rather the manner in which one's actions flow and interconnect into one totality. If I look to find ways to resolve my thinking, I will only end up becoming attached to them, but if I am willing to see their raw spontaneity in that moment, then my priority shifts toward simply being present and connected. I appreciate Ellison not for what he strove to attain in his songs (somehow, I suspect, an unattainable perfection), but rather the rawness of what he was feeling and experiencing, which suggests to me someone who was true to his inner life and feelings. And I do believe that this is also what can happen when a person slows down and appreciates something simple like walking. Suddenly, the objects of one's thoughts are much less important than the rawness of the present circumstances in which those thoughts arose in the first place.