Impermanence as a Social Tool

  I am reflecting on how Buddhist philosophy can be a very good tool for social life. When I reflect on impermanence and contemplate it, having to socialize with people doesn't seem "a big deal" as it was before. It's only when I believe that people are permanent that I develop grasping or rejecting attitudes toward them. I don't recognize that what I am really perceiving is the mind's tendencies, not  a solid permanent thing that always exists all the time.
   It would be interesting to do a self-study on the kinds of beliefs that underlie social anxiety. I certainly think that one of those beliefs has to do with taking responses to human beings as being a permanent attribute of "myself" or others. For instance, according Alfred Korzybski's theory of General Semantics, humans have a tendency to use language to reify particular reactions to things. I observe a reaction or response I have to a situation and then draw the conclusion that I am always, irrevocably one way, and cannot be any other way. What I don't recognize is that the response is a habit: I see a phenomena and then react to it according to something associated with it that I experienced before. There are certainly multiple ways to respond to the situation, but I choose the way that I most identify with "me" not realizing that this is not me at all. It's only one way in which the mind has responded to similar situations in the past.
   Before a person experiences social anxiety or even disconnection, a thought usually emerges, usually some thought about the self. Before I can allow the experience to unfold naturally, I interject the sense of self: "Am I doing okay?" "Does this person like me?" "What do I stand to gain from talking to this person?" This self-reference continually emerges and puts pressure on the situation. Meanwhile, as I am reflecting on this presumably real, permanent sense of self, a sense of a concrete, permanent "other" emerges, which is labelled as a whole slew of imagined characteristics. Most of these characteristics are projections of my own evaluating self, who is always looking to see where it fits into the situation and is comparing itself, evaluating and judging. Of course, in the process of solidifying the self and the other, the entire situation becomes fraught with anxiety: am I good enough for this person? Is this person suitable for me? Do we get along together? etc. etc. All this inner discourse only reinforces my belief that there are these separate beings who are outside of the permanent "self". It's no wonder that such a situation gives rise to a feeling of alienation or struggle. I struggle to "get along" and "fit in" with you, not realizing that both "I" and "you" are temporary constructs that emerge in that moment in time, as a structuring tool or convention.  I don't recognize that these concepts are essentially illusory.
    What does all this mean for social life? I do believe it's important to approach social life in the same way that we approach meditative practice. We understand and recognize that what we think to be solid and "real" about ourselves and others is actually just a series of mental evaluations and constructs. It's as though the mind were a transparent calculator which continually throws figures up on the window of the world. I see the numbers on the screen and use such numbers to "frame" and quantify my experience in a certain way, such as through the lenses of success, personal gain, attraction, "spiritual growth", inner worth, and so on. Yet, what I fail to recognize is that the situation itself lacks permanence: there is nothing to secure in that moment. All I can do in that moment is treat the situation as a vow, such as the vow to treat the phenomena as one's mind and not separate from mind. In this way, my understanding of the world and its situations starts to soften, and I am no longer up against hard boundaries such as self/other, gain/loss, past/future, etc. etc. This subtle softening of boundaries can allow a person to face their emotional states with more courage and less fear.