Gratitude Can't Be Rushed

 This evening, I was unable to attend group meditation sitting due to planning work system testing the following day. As with many situations where I miss the group sitting, I often feel anxiety and loneliness. The group meditation is such an authentic and nurturing space for me to check in with my body, my mind and those around me who are also doing the same. I have often reflected that meditation in a group has become my social life, and that it is almost the perfect social life for those who do suffer anxieties, whether they relate to being with others or parting from others. (In fact, I believe that these latter two are sides of the same coin). However, I told myself that this evening, I would make the best of my time away from the meditation group, and my work planning itself became a meditative practice. Instead of feeling "rushed" or hurried between various meetings as often happens at work, I was able to reflect by myself what kinds of tests I needed to perform to ensure that it is thorough and accurate. While I did feel regret in not being able to meditate with the group, being away from them allowed me to feel natural gratitude.
   This vignette has made me reflect on a few things. One is the very familiar question of how work becomes meditative, especially when there are numerous social pressures to accomplish things quickly in a very small time frame. The second aspect is that of gratitude itself. Have you ever wondered why we say that we don't know what we have until we don't have it? I think the reason is that when a person has something, they are often too in a rush to really understand what it is and to enjoy it. But when a person has time away from it, they realize that it was their choice all along to have it in their life; it just so happened that they could not see the value that it had to them. By being away, one's mind is not swept up in the rush of things, and is better able to contemplate the good things they have. I think real gratitude precisely arises from the ability to slow down and feel the gifts that are in a person's life.
   The sad thing, I think, is that in a very affluent society where there are many opportunities to enjoy so many things, one rarely gets a chance to savor a few things that are very important or mean something. It seems that even knowing something that well requires the discipline of a routine: spending a long time, if not even a lifetime, cultivating one or two things that are meaningful and knowing the ins and outs, ups and downs, of that experience. The group meditation is one example of a practice that I have found not only useful in itself but also a nurturing community which supports spiritual learning and practice.
   In fact, I think this is why many seasoned meditation practitioners say they love the pain of meditation. It's not that the pain is diminished over time, but that it starts to take on a deeper meaning in context of the practice that is being cultivated as well as the diminished sense of self/entitlement that hopefully can arise over time.