The Value of Others

   In the course of life, I have met many people, among them students, colleagues and friends. I sometimes look back on my friendships with others  and wonder, is there a specific value or purpose to these connections, and can a 'value' be assigned to it? It's important, I think to pause on this, because I am inclined to try to fix a value on everything I have experienced. But do things have such clear-cut values? I was trying to look at this from the perspective of attachment. For example, when I see things, I often look at things from the perspective of personal purpose or gain. I might ask the question: how does this experience help me in my path? This view is quite narrow, because it doesn't consider how much people impact others' paths, and how we often are changed by others if we open up to their viewpoints. If my goals, for instance, were the same goals as those I had when I was 18 or even 15, how valid would those goals be? It seems that our goals are enriched when we widen our circle to include the paths and perspectives of others. It isn't to say that people shouldn't have any goals, but it's to say that goals can change and become something quite different over time. And to do this requires a suspension at times of what a person deeply values: a space where a person might not even know what he or she exactly values.
    Another example: is knowing clearly who one is and what one values at all times always 'a good thing?' I have heard a lot of praise of those who 'have clear values' or 'stand by their beliefs', but there can be a point where this clear set of values can prevent a person from hearing other voices and their beliefs. I sometimes find it helpful to reflect that what I value might not encompass another person's experiences--and rarely does, if at all. When that happens, a person has a choice: either disparage the other's ''values" or be curious about what another person feels passionate about or cares the most about. It doesn't mean that I need to appropriate these values as my own, but it might mean that I can honor and respect that person's way of being through listening and suspending judgments. Most importantly, I acknowledge my own desires (to be a certain way or to have things a certain way) but don't confuse that to be 'the only way' or 'the way'.
    As I am writing this, I also acknowledge that listening needs to be a meditative listening: not a listening that holds onto ideas before investigating others' but a listening that is willing to let go of ideas and let the conversation unfold as it is, without any prediction or anticipation. It is a listening that has to be secure in itself yet willing to let go to embrace all voices. Not an easy listening to achieve, and it's not the same as masochism or a kind of 'joy in feeling pain'. I think it's a confidence and faith in life that sometimes takes years to attain, through many encounters with others.