Seeking vs Not Seeking

  It's been a while since I dipped into Master Boshan's writings, so I thought I would continue from where I left off in Master Sheng Yen's Attaining the Way. But let me preface this by saying: I think that the art of "not knowing" is to learn to enjoy the space between the knowing and the not knowing, without punishing ourselves for not knowing. Sometimes the grassy path has no clear footprints, but the only direction is the direction that one's feet are taking us. If you don't know what this means, just walk! And you will soon find out that the walking itself is the destination.

 Here is what Master Boshan notes:

"You can only resolve the Great Matter [of birth and death] in the midst of stillness, while not knowing that you are in stillness. But if you seek to resolve this Great Matter in stillness, then you'll never attain it! If you don't seek, then you are sure to get it" (p.8).

When reading this passage, I am sure many would be confused. Why would we be "sure" to get something by not seeking it? Is this a veiled invitation to a kind of lazy "non-practice"? I think the idea of "not knowing that you are in stillness" simply means, we don't treat stillness as an object of contemplation. If I meditate and look for something called "stillness", I am really attaching to some idea called "stillness", without realizing that true stillness is the absence of attachment. Stillness can be anywhere and in anything, as long as the mind isn't approaching or rejecting anything. But if my mindset involves reifying stillness into an object of accomplishment, or a kind of goal, then I will only create vexations for myself. 

This is tricky, because anything we call mind is bound to be a concept. But if, instead of trying to achieve this thing called mind, I get out of the way of mind, I find that mind already functions perfectly well in accordance with the cause and conditions. I don't need to "achieve", hold onto, or savor a special kind of mind. Mind is an endless flow of possibilities, and it is unfolding even now as I am typing these words. When, instead of being self-conscious and looking for answers, I faithfully allow the answers to come forth in the everyday flow of experience, then I can directly perceive the emptiness of all phenomena. This does not require an act of seeking to resolve the Great Matter...because to do so is to create a separate subject and object. Instead, it means completely trusting that this mind you experience now is still mind. But even this can become an object of seeking--this so called "non-seeking"!! 

So it's important not to try to make this into a plan of action. Just like right now, I don't know which word will arise next, I am trusting that the moment will provide me with the right words to express something inexpressible. And I didn't need to discuss this with myself. I only had to trust that, "you will have the words that are needed". This is a subtle experience of letting myself get out of the way. Stepping aside and allowing this experience to unfold, to orchestrate itself, to create harmony, without needing to figure it out ahead of time. Perhaps this is one way to understand how we approach meditation practice.