Admiration, Respect, Envy

  During Fashi's discussion about FOMO (fear of missing out) today, a thought came to my mind. While the solution to FOMO is to replace arrogance with confidence, I wondered: what's the line between admiration and losing oneself to someone one admires? Too much admiration of and comparison with others can lead to negative attitudes: "I can't possibly be like this person" or "I am nothing without this person". These attitudes can lead to idolizing a person, or (on the negative side) resenting the other for their accomplishments. I did wonder how the theory of causes and conditions addresses this, as Fashi discussed in his talk.

   Regarding cause and conditions, it seems that the idea of previous lives best addresses the problems of envy and excessive admiration. I encounter many people who are way smarter than myself, and I begin to wonder, "what's the magic strategy that allows them to be that way? Can I learn it from them?" It's perhaps better to say that their abilities are the combination of hard-won experience, inborn abilities, and   past life merits. Rather than wanting their abilities, I had better focus on what merits I can accumulate for myself, with focus on developing character traits such as the 6 paramitas.

What I have realized in working with people who are extremely talented is that there are some things we can certainly learn from them. However, perhaps it's not a good idea to think we can be that person just through imitating them. It might be better to evaluate how the other person's abilities is the result of many previous causes and conditions that may even extend beyond a single lifetime. In this way, I am taking a more realistic approach to figuring out what I am capable of learning from another, without going to the extreme of feeling I need to emulate them. Balance also plays an important role here. Just as I should see my encounters with others as opportunities to learn something new, so also I should recognize the abilities that I bring to the encounter. This avoids the dangers of being afraid of missing something that we feel we lack.