The Whole Self as Ocean

   One of the ways in which we can own the self is through the practice of acceptance. But, what does it mean "accept"? This is indeed a tricky thing, because what we encounter about ourselves from moment to moment is constantly changing and in a state of flux. There is a difference between having an image of the self and cherishing that image as "the person I truly am", and recognizing the fact that in fact there is no such thing as a permanent sense of self. The idea of self continually changes with the circumstances, a little bit like the tides. So the idea that there is a coherent self that can be loved starts to lose all meaning and coherence over time.

    If we think about the word "selfie", what often come to mind is a person taking a photo of themselves beside a favored destination or place. Rarely is a selfie indicative of the unsavory aspects of life, and we hardly think to post photos of ourselves on facebook in our lowest moments. But if we accept the idea that "self"--whatever that happens to be--is in a constant state of change, and there is no single image that we can point to as the definitive self, then we have to accept all these individual moments. Not doing so would be equivalent to trying to edit our experiences, which proves to be an impossible task in the end.

   Acceptance is always unfolding. If something is happening to me that I don't like, I tend to reject that part, as though I were disowning it. But that too is a part of my experience in the world. Whether it's irritability or hunger, or feelings of depression or even hopelessness and despair, these are possibilities that are always available to me. I can never imagine a time when I could not feel depression or even the wish to end life's sufferings. This is because the possibilities are endless of what the mind can experience. Knowing this, there is simply no need to edit our experiences, any more than we need to control the color of the ocean's water. And, in fact, when one is able to contemplate one's experiences as an infinite ocean, there is no longer any real need to control these tiny parts of the experience itself.

  If I am always trying to cultivate knowledge and yet fall into the trap of needing to control my image as a knowing person, what good is that? That is like an endless treadmill. Knowing itself is continually unfolding. There is never a final end to knowing. So why dream of finality, or that edifice of being
"fully" educated? These are delusions that only give rise to more suffering and attachment. So there are certain aspects of the self that prove burdensome, and are not worthy of attaching to.