Impermanence and "Sense of Security"

   I truly feel that, in a world of impermanence, the only security one can truly find is within. Chang Wu Fashi was sharing tonight about how one way that one can be mindful in their day to day life is by always anchoring themselves in the sense of the body, and knowing whether the body is truly relaxed or not. A person may tell themselves that they are "relaxed", but how do they really and truly feel in that moment? Fashi's point is that the body is very honest--it will always tell us what is true of an experience, and does not advertise itself falsely. When you drop a hammer on your foot, you can't "pretend" that the pain is simply not there. One of the greatest sources of security that one can seek is within their heartfelt sense of the body, unadulterated by the swirl of thoughts and imaginary scenarios. No matter where my mind goes and what it thinks, the body is always indelibly here in this moment.

   Another point is that happiness and "security" are not from outside. I have often subconsciously sought out reassurance that I am okay from those around me, leading me to wonder if I am "not okay" when I don't receive such kinds of external assurances. The truth is, this desire for assurance itself is a source of suffering and pain. Even when I do feel secure and reassured that things in my job are okay, this is not a guarantee that I will find that same reassurance tomorrow. I think there's a certain value here in analyzing just what that feeling of reassurance is, and whether or not we can mimic it through a kind of self-talk.

   Reassurance, to me, comes from being grounded. We have all experienced at some point or another, a person who grounded us, by not going along with our anxious thoughts. Instead, that person pointed the path where their feet were firmly pointed. When I am aware that there is no need to entertain every possibility or be a prisoner to reacting to my thoughts, then I am naturally reassured: I am here, and there is nowhere else that I need to be, and no "fire" to put out or fan out. Of course, it may not be as simple as "feeling my body", but this reassurance might take the form of deciding to take things one step at a time rather than entertaining every panic scenario under the sun. It also might mean being happy for the small things. Even if I lose my job tomorrow, I am able-bodied enough now that I can take a new one. Even if I am not able-bodied now, there is no such thing as disabled: all humans are enables in some way or another. So, the point is that there is no point where we cannot hold hope for something or at least find comfort in some simple matter of life.