As of yesterday, I have had approval to go ahead and start my thesis research. While I have felt the relief of overcoming that hurdle, there is also a burden that comes with that relief: the sense of not quite knowing how to recruit, who to go to, where, and all the other details about the relationships in research.
To a certain extent, times like these can remind me of applying for a job or embarking on a career. In the very beginning, one has literally no bearings, and the journey has to start with building the right connections. That part feels delicate and complex, because I am so dependent on others at this stage to say "yes" and consent to undergoing this research. But at the same time, I am also aware of the need to have some basic faith and confidence in my project, and all the potential benefits that could come forth from it. Even though this "seed' or germ of an idea hasn't yet materialized into anything truly substantial. How to navigate and not feel too anxious or desperate?
I think that the challenges of research are also related to challenges that go with asking people to have some involvement in one's life. An invitation is there, and the project is one's own journey. If I set too much hope on particular people in this journey, I might find myself losing the way--not going back to my original purpose and intention but relying too much on the approval and acceptance of others. On the other hand, being too closed and asking a question I somehow already know how to answer, is only a mental exercise at best. It might be investigative, but it lacks the risks and challenges that go with learning alongside others and getting their inputs.
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