Insult to Injury

 What fixates a person in pride? I was thinking about this after reading a discussion in Khenpo Tsultram Lodro's online book The Handbook for Life's Journey. I genuinely believe that it pride relates to a childhood dynamic of feeling punished by an elder. Pride is a kind of defense against annihilation; when I put my heart into a tonne of armor, I try to immunize myself against the pain of a perceived humiliation or being put in my place. These things are not necessarily imaginary. For example, parents often believe that they need to speak harshly and bluntly to children to "teach them a lesson"--almost to shock children into never engaging in shameful practices. But the opposite of shame is pride, and pride can often become a very heavy armor that a person wears to protect against even the slightest of threats which can remind them of past punishment.
  Seeing past the punishment idea is recognizing that these things happened when a person felt vulnerable--wanting or desiring the love of an elder person who is perceived as an authority. I think that this attitude of deference to authority needs to soften a bit. As we get older, we realize that even authority figures are complex beings and are human, and nobody knows everything. Seeing into this, one might realize that the sting of humiliation is not so harsh; we are not being punished by a divine authority, but rather by another human being who has the same vulnerability or weaknesses that we do. With this stance, there is less need for defensiveness and pride. There is more of an opening up of the heart and a sense that things will be okay even when another person's words might feel harsh or coming from a high ground.