Staying in Confusion and Observing Ego

In the book Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, Chogyam Trungpa writes, "In order to reassure ourselves, we work to fit into our intellectual scheme every aspect of our lives which might be confusing. And our effort is so serious and solemn, so straightforward and sincere, that it is difficult to be suspicious of it." (p.15). I have to admit that even in writing a blog, my attempt to clarify spiritual writings might also be the attempt to smooth over or reassure, rather than face confusion straight on. So the question is, how to face confusion without trying to neatly categorize it?
   Categorization is a special kind desire. When I categorize anything, I feel reassured and also less fearful, knowing that I can "keep things together" in my mind. Admittedly, this is a very important skill to have when one is going to school or trying to present a proposal at work. I would definitely not discount these inclinations to categorize. But when a person is trying to learn something new, they have to endure confusion before something new arises: some new understanding, creation, synthesis or insight. If I am not able to tolerate some kind of confusion or ambiguity, then I fall back to the same reassuring categories that I have built up for myself in the past, provided that those solutions still appear feasible and satisfying. Luckily, however, categories lose their appeal over time: they might work in one instance to clarify things a little, but later, that clarification becomes somewhat habitual (part of the background schema of how we habitually organize) and there is no longer any joy or relief coming from using those categories. This especially happens in organizations, as people come to recognize that what worked in the past is no longer satisfying: it doesn't bring about good or better ways of doing things.
   About confusion: how to be with it long enough to gain insight? I think this is where confusion often masks as something else, like"depression". When I neatly categorize an emotion as a call for help, I try to avoid ambiguity or confusion: I want to neatly tie the knots. But this neat tying of things, again, does not bring about a valid learning experience. It simply reinforces the same ways of trying to find safety or reassurance related to the self.
   The self is needed to function, yes, but being in confusion is needed to go beyond self. Chogyam Trungpa notes, "The simplicity of meditation means just experiencing the ape instinct of ego. If anything more than this is laid onto our psychology, then it becomes a very heavy, thick mask, a suit of armor." (p.16) Observing the ego without trying to "solve" the ego is a very important aspect of meditation.

Trungpa, C (2008), Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. Boston: Shambhala