Big Heart and Small Ego

In Adage #7, Master Sheng Yen writes, "Cultivate a big heart--but a small ego." Many of Master Sheng Yen's adages seem to operate on dual concepts that appear to be opposites. But what's tricky is that sometimes a person can have a very big heart, but also a very big ego! One might encounter this in the form of a person who might have attained some kind of unification experience, and then comes to the conclusion that "everything, including the people and things around me, is just an extension of this big self". Such an attitude can be both positive and negative. In the latter case, the negative aspect arises when one imposes their views and sense of self onto others, thinking that "I" and "You" are really no different.
   Perhaps having a big heart with a small ego means to give without expectations. It takes a lifetime (and perhaps many) to learn how to master this attitude.  A person often gives their efforts to a particular thing because deep down they thought that this particular thing would give them the highest emotional payoff in return. But giving is not this way. It requires an accurate sense of the receiver and what her or his needs are, as well as a willingness to adjust one's perspectives when new information comes along the way. When the married couple finds out that their partner is "not the person I first met", the conclusion might be that the partner had deceived them into thinking that they were better than they were. But consider that conditions are changing all the time, and people develop new circumstances where they have to change and adapt. What I felt at one time might evolve at another time; this seems pretty normal to me. The trick is knowing that there wasn't really any deception to begin with, because the self is only a construct. It doesn't have a fixed or permanent nature, so naturally the people we know now aren't the people we "knew" before.
  Giving, in this case, requires renouncing preconceptions based on past impressions of a person, as well as embracing the current need. I think it takes a lot of humility and courage to do this because it means giving up the belief that others are meant to fulfill the roles and ideas we had in our minds about them. In this way, giving is giving up the grasping ego and a heart of expectation.

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