Flexible Boundaries

  I was reading in one textbook by Chris Weedon (1999)on feminist philosophy the theory of Nancy Chodorow (p.83-86) that women are socialized to have more flexible ego boundaries. I really resonate with the term "flexible boundary" because there is a sense of balance and art:the ability to shift one's sense of self when situations call for more leeway and balance. I think this is one of many things that perhaps men struggle with, perhaps because the male role model is always a little bit distant or detached. But it's also interesting to reflect on what "relaxed ego boundary" truly means.Does it entail being completely submissive? I once heard the expression that the strongest branch is the one that bends, and I think this is where the term "ego boundaries" indeed becomes very useful to contemplate.

  Its' certainly not the case that with this "ego boundary" notion, I "crack" every time I am faced with something, and nor do I resist it outright. Instead, like the branch that bends with the wind, I am actively working with whatever energies are arising in the moment. Working with those energies means I don't reject them but in fact I do try to harmonize with them. If something feels "stuck" for me, it might be helpful for me to reflect, what am I trying to resist? Is resisting the flow of whatever is happening truly the way to resolve the suffering I am experiencing? Of course, some kinds of resistance are needed to accomplish certain tasks, but even in those cases, it's important to consider whether that resistance wisely considers the relationships, or whether it miscalculates. Resisting something only because we "don't like it" gives us no opportunity to grow within it or to even learn how to live with that emotion until it transforms into something more interesting, nuanced or observational. Resisting too easily can also lead to a knee jerk refusal to engage anything that is complex or difficult, which then becomes a habit of isolating from these difficulties. The alternative is to stay with these difficulties and see how they work through a person and change to something different over time.

 

Weedon, Chris (1999)  Feminism, Theory and the Politics of Difference. Oxford: Blackwell Publishers