Of Shame

What is the difference between "healthy" shame and "morbid" guilt? This is a theme that I have encountered in a lot of Buddhist texts. Rob Nairn  notes that when there are things we feel ashamed of that gnaw at our conscience, our regrets take the form of the "furies" upon one's entering into the bardo states of death. Note that "Furies" come from Greek mythology and they refer to beings who taunt mortals as a form of punishment for things done badly in the past. I also see this kind of discussion arising in the theme of repentance. Many Buddhist masters are careful to point out that repentance is not about morbid reflection one one's guilt or "unworthiness". Such a preoccupation easily becomes self-absorbed, forgetting that people do in fact change and are capable of developing new insights and habits over time.
    I think there is such a thing as a healthy sense of shame. "Healthy" shame means that the person recognizes that their sense of shame is a reminder coming from themselves. Nobody can ever "make" a person feel shame. It's only when I am truly ashamed of some behavior or impulse that I am invited to reflect more deeply on it, from my own mind and heart. If someone is telling me that I should feel bad about something and my heart doesn't feel the same way, I can either explore what the other person means or might feel that the criticism doesn't apply to me. But if I am really pulled into it emotionally, I might ask myself what I really feel about it: do I truly feel that I should behave differently? What do I really feel or think about it? Here, I learn to own the sense of shame as an invitation to reflect more deeply on my actions and what I value in life. Sometimes it's only myself who creates shame, because what I am doing is not consistent with my beliefs in who I should be. So when I have a feeling of shame, I might want to explore that inner conflict between my behavior personal ideal (who I think I ought to be).
    Shame does not have to be seen as intrusive. It can be seen as the voice of one's own conscience or 'inner parent'. But this also does not mean that one should uncritically accept that voice. If the ideal I am striving for is unrealistic or unforgiving in some way, I might want to soften that voice or allow for more understanding. I might also soften that inner critic if need be. The point is to invite deeper exploration and curiosity.