Religion : Conversion or Transformation?

 The movie Boy Erased is a very compelling commentary on how spiritual movements can serve as "conversion therapy", in this case for LGBQT youths who are often coming from Christian denominational backgrounds. I am reflecting on, what is the difference between religion as a form of inner transformation and one that merely converts a person into an ideal social category?
   This question, I must admit, is a bit loaded. I am sure that in most cases, being part of a spiritual organization is not simply a matter of adopting the same perspectives on life and the purpose of human beings. There is always an element of belonging, and part of what makes religion a compelling form of community is that it is more regulated than other communities. People are not just "doing their own thing" but they are compelled to behave in more or less similar ways, such as learning to love one another, practice tolerance, and follow principles set out in spiritual texts. Religious organizations are especially appealing to young people who are at a stage where they are just establishing partners and relationships with others, at which time the road tends to be a bit rocky and unpredictable. Spiritual groups at least provide a sense of an extended family who can be trusted to behave in ways that are open and respectful, even when people don't necessarily "feel like" being open on a given day at a congregation. In fact, one of the most compelling aspects of any religious practice is its transpersonal elements: the ability to lift a person out of themselves and to something greater than the self.
   That having been said, is there a way to distinguish between religion as a genuine transpersonal experience and one of merely "social control" and conformity? I think the answer to this question can only really come from the individual and their motivation to practice or attend a religious community. If a person is becoming religious as a way of restoring some sense of order and protecting oneself against difference and otherness, then it often becomes an exercise in controlling the self and others to behave in the same ways. On the other hand, if befriending the stranger and the other is a crucial aspect of one's spirit life (which I feel it is), then the orientation shifts toward befriending elements of ourselves that might not be accepted or even fully understood by the communities we are a part of.
   Perhaps the questions one needs to continually engage throughout their spiritual life is, am I doing this only to "look" "normal" to others, or am I in this community because I am genuinely learning and benefiting from the specific practices it espouses? Many people who are socialized in religious communities from an early age may never get the chance to discover what parts of their spirituality actually helps in their encounters with others, since there is not much to compare if one has always been in one community. However, it's important even for those individuals to find some clarity in why they are practicing and whether those practices work to enhance their lives and relationships.