Healthy Self Relationships

 The relationship I have to my own being is a reflection of how I see the world and others. This is a most powerful sentence that I have been contemplating throughout the day. Is it true? Some are skeptical of the idea that there is such a relationship. I myself am often plagued with self-doubt: I am never so sure if this "self" is a real self, much less worthy of some special status. I think what it relates for me is that if I am very demanding toward myself and not aware of the unique conditions impinging upon me at any given moment, then the way that I approach the world and others will also be equally demanding, if not more so. It's not so difficult to know what this means. For example, waiting in a lineup, I can either keep my mind open and anchored in a particular sensation or word, or I can choose to feel the tension of wanting the lineup to end or even the temptation of jumping to the head of the line. In the former case, I am anchoring my awareness in something that is unrelated to the circumstances surrounding me. In this way, my mind has a chance of seeing things clearly without so much attachment to outcomes. In the later, I am bringing desires and attachments into the experience. Not only this, however, but the desire to jump the line is often a subtle reflection of the pressures I place on myself to always "get ahead" at all costs. Such a mentality is personally destructive because there is not much room in all of that to function as a person.
   Another point I want to make is that what one sees in others is possibly a reflection of how one sees oneself. If I am unforgiving of myself, I might end up seeing others as unforgiving or even merciless. What I am placing before the other person is the reflection of my deepest insecurities as well as a longing to be loved in spite of the insecurities or weaknesses I perceive myself as having. What if, instead of reacting to the other person for their "judgment" of me, I were able to look inward to understand the pressures I am placing on myself in that moment? To give an example: I am often facing criticism at my workplace over things that I might not have considered in the business testing. While this is an upsetting occurrence, the harsh part of me might say that I am not capable of learning or that I am always making mistakes. But what if it were the case that I am not always making mistakes, and that even in making mistakes, I am always learning? By shifting my emphasis on positive aspects of my experience, I relieve myself of an unrealistic pressure to be perfect all the time. In fact, I allow myself the forgiveness needed to keep going and keep improving on what I have done before.