Practicing Metta in Social Life

 The other day at the Thursday meditation, one of the practitioners had commented on the idea of using metta (loving kindness) meditation as a social practice.This comment was made in response to someone who felt disconnected from others and wondered if there are ways that he could be more "in his own body" with others. While the practitioner suggested many other activities such as dance or physical movement to "feel in the body", I found that I was most interested in metta practice in social contexts. In fact, I agree with this practitioner that if a person focuses more on the others, they will be less preoccupied with whether they gain the feeling or "connection" or "disconnection". In the process, feelings of connection are more likely to emerge.
  There is one caveat to this, however, which I feel is quite important if one is to seek this kind of practice. Actually, two caveats. The first is that a person is best not to deceive themselves into practicing metta with the "hidden agenda" of wanting to connect. I have found that when I am treating the practice purely for its own sake, it seems to work better than practicing with the secret intention of receiving a reward in exchange for practicing metta. This point is extremely important, and it requires a certain kind of honesty. In relating with others, there are nearly always going to surface hidden expectations or even subconscious forms of transference, which even the sincerest affections never quite erases. In spite of its seeming glibness, metta is challenging because it surfaces our hidden assumptions about relationships by posing an alternative of not seeking others for one's own sense of connection.
  The second caveat is that there is a sense that it's not necessary to feel "connection" at all in the presence of others. It's more important to simply use the meditation to be present. The reason I suggest this is that trying to feel connected all the time is another habitual craving. What would happen if one simply let go of the desire or insistence of "always feeling connected with others?" When that desire drops off, there isn't any pressure to make an impression, and one can really inhabit one's body in those moments. In other words, really enjoying the presence of others involves a paradoxical detachment from others and re-embodying one's present state of being.