Amour propre vs Amour de soi

Amour propre and amour de soi are two concepts taken from Rousseau's philosophy which are discussed in Andrew Peterson's book, Compassion and Education: Cultivating Compassionate Children, Schools and Communities (2017). If I understand the two terms correctly, amour de soi is a kind of natural self-regard which comes from simple reasoning and the human desire to flourish given the abilities and skills that one is. If you have ever seen children intent on play or simple interaction, you might see people who are not concerned with style or trying to impress others. With Amour propre, on the other hand, there is a sudden sense of self-consciousness which often comes to one in adolescence, which is preoccupied with image and one's status in relation to others. Rousseau seemed to have seen this latter as the source of the deepest suffering between people, and opted instead for a political pattern which is modeled after amour de soi; that is, a respect for things as they are or should ideally be arranged when people protect each others' rational self interest, rather than fighting for prestige, authority or dominance over others. Although Rousseau is considered to have departed from the rationalist traditions which surrounded him, it would be fair to say that he is instrumental in supporting a contractual model of the state.
   Peterson's discussion supports the possibility that reasonable and compassionate behavior come from the amour de soi. At best, amour propre help one to develop proper manners of communication, since the aim is to preserve and honor one's reputation. But it is the proper respect for one's natural virtues and reasoning that allows a person to act from their own deeply embedded motives rather than continually looking outside oneself to find validation.
 Is a healthy sense of self required to live a compassionate life? This is a very interesting question when I reflect on it through a theological lens. For example, when Christians, Islams or Buddhists join their respective congregations, is it out of a concern for the rational, planning self, or is it to transcend the self altogether? In fact, however, I don't think that self-affirmation or the reasonable self is ever in conflict with the transcendental. In fact, a healthy self understanding can be a way to counterbalance the ups and downs of spiritual life, since the capacity to reflect upon a spiritual life (or all life for that matter)  is a way to buffer the strains and difficulties of practicing a spiritual tradition. Reflection can also serve as an emotional buffer zone, where practitioners in spiritual groups can reflect on what they could improve, but without the pervading sense of an unchanging ego.

Peterson, Andrew (2017), Compassion and Education: Cultivating Compassionate Children, Schools and Communities. London: Palgrave MacMillan