Spiritual Humility

I have written about humility before, but I keep coming back to it, because I don't think that humility is ever something that a person can master. Quite the opposite, humility requires the ability to behold that I simply can't and do not know enough about anything. When it comes to humility toward nature, for instance, it's presumptuous to say that one can ever conquer, know, dominate or coerce the natural world. The same goes with people as well. So why do I have to keep reminding myself of humility?
   There is a more subtle kind of pride, I think, which comes from thinking that one is on some kind of spiritual path or quest in life. Sometimes, the narratives I entertain about my own journey are incredibly presumptuous, populated with imaginary gods and demons, all inhabiting the imagination. But what actual, lived experience often teaches us is that there are no special gods who are holding out special prizes for us, and there are no 'special' demons either, whose only role is to pummel people into submission when they do the wrong things. Sometimes, life itself is just a process of surviving and making practical use of what skills and abilities one has. It takes place one day at a time, and it's played out in tiny milliseconds that can seem like forever. True humility, I think, often requires accepting that there is sometimes no grand narrative whatsoever, and one must still try their best with whatever they have to contribute to society and have an open heart.
   Part of this humility is also about taking responsibility for one's own suffering, rather than waiting for grace to unfold and do so. This taking responsibility often amounts to a continual inquiry into why I suffer, and what beliefs I have that are triggering me to think I 'deserve' more than I have. If I give up this inquiry, I will end up being subject to all kinds of emotions which are based on faulty thinking. For example, if I truly believe that the universe should take care of my needs, or should reveal to me my destiny as a person, then this belief in itself becomes an overarching desire, which makes me feel entitled to the attention of others. For example, if I believe that such and such job is "my dream job" or "my destiny", then I will insist that a benevolent being 'grant' me that job, even going so far as denouncing the benevolent being for being uncaring if it doesn't magically do so. This is obviously an extreme example, but it relates to the way spiritual ideas are often used in false or distorted ways which only give rise to suffering and maladjustment in the world.
   Another such example is thinking that the universe will manifest good things if I cultivate the right thoughts and intentions. I believe that there are quite a few bestsellers out there which are promoting this idea, but the problem with it is that it can quickly become very self-focused. Instead of just doing whatever I can using my best efforts, I start to believe that I could have more if I just pray or get in with the right spiritual energies of the universe. What results is a kind of 'bargaining mentality', where the practitioner will practice spiritual activities for the purposes (or in exchange for) specific goods or results. But if a person holds this view, they will often find themselves disappointed when the world doesn't provide such things. And this also reinforces a sense of isolation, rather than an openness toward what actually happens in this present moment.