A "Special" Delusion

 There is a lot of criticism recently of the advertising business, particularly on how it peddles 'wants' as 'needs', which perpetuates a cycle of consumerism and over-production in many countries. But a lot of these critiques overlook the power that advertising has in facilitating a person's sense of entitlement. It's not just that we lack that special thing, but with that acute sense of lack comes the sense that we deserve to have this need met, for whatever reason. I call this the special delusion, because it refers to a sense of entitlement that often paradoxically goes hand in hand with a sense of lack. If I strongly desire something, it's not long before I develop internal reasons as to why I should have that thing, and this can lead to a vicious cycle of inner arrogance or self-aggrandizement.  It also leads to all kinds of scheming after power to attain what one wants. But this happens so quickly that the two aspects (desire and entitlement) are often experienced as one great big need.
    Going back to my previous blog entry about narcissism, it's not that narcissists are 'full of themselves' as we might be inclined to think, but actually the opposite; namely that narcissists are too empty in themselves, and keep seeing the self projected outward in shiny and attractive things. If the pain of identifying one's sense of self with attractive external things is too great, one will feel a continual sense of pressure and lack. This drives a person to a state of strong self-assertion, to the point of sometimes having to push through long lineups to get that special thing that is so desirable or symbolic of the self.
   How does one resolve the sense of entitlement? I think that before one can overcome desire, one needs to overcome the implicit belief that one must or should have whatever they want, by virtue of their wanting it. That sounds a bit absurd, but a lot of modern spiritual philosophies are parading this approach. According to some of these theories, wanting something is symptomatic of you being meant for it, and thus it is your fate to have it.. Another expression for this spiritual theory is the idea that my wanting something speaks to my soul, which has a unique destiny to fulfill through these mysterious wants. All of these kinds of attitudes can create tremendous havoc if they are not practiced with some modicum of humility and common sense. This is so because anyone who has ever lived as a human being will know that trying to get what one wants the most is a very arduous and difficult task, which does require hard efforts. Once we do get what we want, do we treat it well? Most likely, we start to take our riches and our gains for granted, looking out for something else to conquer.
  Simply saying 'this is meant for me because I want it so badly' is a rather odd view, and I have hardly found this to be true in my life. Quite the contrary, it is when I finally recognize that I am "nothing special" that I can let go of the tyranny of wants which goes hand in hand with entitlement. How about, then, we start to reverse our subconscious expectations, and say the opposite":

1) "This is not meant for me, because I want it way too much, and that means something must be off here."
2) "Wanting something doesn't entitle me to it; quite the contrary, wants often help us to realize that we are not entitled, privileged or special in the universe, and there are no pleasant shortcuts either. If it's 'too good to be true', chances are, it's not true at all!