Discrimination

 I was reflecting this morning on the way to the library: when does discrimination arise? Is it because of a feeling one has or is it because of something that happens later on? I am thinking of the situation of feeling an itch when meditating. I feel a sensation that is unpleasant, but I haven't yet said whether it is good or bad. Later on, I start to have thoughts: I wish it would go away, which reflects a subtle longing for something else. What if I just stayed with the irritation rather than trying to wish for something else to emerge? It seems like discrimination begins when we desire something else.
   It is a little bit like when I drew pictures as a child. Sometimes I would start with an idea about what I wanted the picture to look like, only to find later that certain parts didn't satisfy me. I want something else to be on the picture, so I try to smudge out the previous traces of my thinking and allow the new one to emerge. But the present is affected by the previous picture, and the more I try to rub out the previous one, the more striking it appears. My desire to create something new on the page overrides the previous drawing, but I can still see the previous one, and I take pains to erase it. Perhaps we are doing this all the time-- a thought emerges, then I don't like it, and I try to erase it with another thought. But the second thought is bound to contain a trace of the first.
    The alternative is not to try to 'erase' anything, but to let all the arrays of thoughts to emerge in complex co-existence. I don't pick and choose one idea over the other, but I just allow them to spread out over time and have their own duration. I might see how the thoughts are arrayed together without thinking that one is superior to the other. In this way, I am no longer creating a conflict between the thoughts or perspectives.
    In daily life, I am wondering if the attitude toward our thoughts and emotions might be something more or less like a very wide and large buffet restaurant, with different kinds of tastes and colors. One never says at a buffet, "we need to replace this kind of food with this 'best' food." Rather, we are aware that due to impermanence, people are not going to like the same food all the time. That's why the mind is open to receive all the thoughts, but it doesn't try to identify only with one or perceive one as the best one. In creating a harmonious relationships with one's thoughts, one practices for more complicated social situations where there can be many thoughts that are different and opposite each other. I discover each one and entertain it, but I don't necessarily think that one will always remain forever.