Not Really Controllable

  The more that I explore lesson planning, the more I can respect the difference between 'plan to' and 'the result', which are often completely different. It often happens to me when I am confident in an idea, only to find that when I start to put it on paper or design a presentation, it doesn't quite come out so elegantly. What do I do in cases like that? Well, one thing is to keep at it and persist until I find a solution or a structure that makes sense. Perhaps doing some research will help me to see what others have done, and be able to model their work. But failing that, it's sometimes better to step away from the planning process for a while, since it must mean that the ideas haven't fully ripened yet, or there may need to be other elements that are not yet in place. It's interesting for me to observe that I often persist in doing something well, only to realize that I am not fully in control of the process at all, and I can tell that I am becoming too tied up in conflicting thoughts about how the lesson plan should go.
That's when I really need to find other ways to tackle it and rest from it for the time being.
    When I look at this more from the perspective of mindfulness, I have to ask myself, what's really going on here? The problem seems to be that the mind is caught in entangling thoughts: trying to predict what will happen in the future, then not quite having an idea of how to handle the situation. When my mind is so attached to having a good result or a certain idea, it's no longer free to take in other ideas that might expand the plan or even take it in a different direction. Not only this, but also the anxiety to get something done quickly (and attachment to the finished result) prevent me from enjoying the process and being open to new surprises. I have fixated on something, thinking that it will be the key for me to be successful in every lesson, when in fact there is no such key. Each lesson plan is quite different and has a different feeling and atmosphere to it, so sometimes it's better to open up and be curious to where this lesson will lead me, rather than trying to push it in some way to work.
      I see the analogies between this process and meditation. Even though it's said that all thoughts are created by the mind, sometimes it might be taken too literally to mean that we shape our thoughts rather than recognizing that thoughts are often the result of previous karma. Meditation is not about sitting and trying to create thoughts, but it's more so about having awareness to recognize their created nature. There seems to be a subtle but very important difference here. In the example of active creation, we are said to sculpt or shape thoughts to our own desires, but in the second case, we are receiving thoughts as natural results of causes and conditions but not getting attached to them. I treat the thought as a guest, but I don't get so attached to the guest that I lose sight of awareness altogether. Similarly, this seems to be a good approach to lesson planning--trying out different ideas but not getting so attached to them that one is consumed by making them work or fit one's desired result.