The Role of Listening

During the one day meditation retreat today, there was a sharing session at the end, and I preferred to quietly listen rather than try to add to the discussion too much. I found that when I kept to my meditation method throughout and listened actively, I didn't feel that I needed to say too much--the discussion took care of itself. Had there been a need for me to say anything, I am sure that I would have said it, but this was one of those cases where I didn't feel too much of a need to say anything. I felt a certain joy in being, but there was also a sense that I should participate in some way.
  It's interesting how we live in a culture that prizes active 'participation', yet doesn't reward still listening too much. Yet, it is precisely the skill of listening that seems to have atrophied. I can see even from my experience today that listening is not something I altogether value, because I have come to associate it with a kind of passivity, or something that is not highly valued in today's society. Of course, active listening is also accompanied with a willingness to contribute in some way, and sometimes the best listeners are the ones who also say the most interesting things in conversations. But it's interesting how the 'pressure to say' something as a way of contributing to a conversation seems to get in the way of the bare attention that listening seems to require.
  I have a sense that not all cultures take to this idea that 'talking' is privileged over listening. I have heard that in some Quaker societies, people speak only when they feel called to do so in a deep way, which comes from their true and authentic heart. Listening and speaking can thus easily turn into art forms under this view. The challenging thing is being able to support others in their ideas and contributions without feeling that one's own identity has disappeared. I think it's challenging to do this, and precisely because listening is also a social role; it has parts to play in the interactions between people in communities, and in that sense, it has 'work' to do. In this way, listening often segues into some other part or parts one plays in relation to others. If I only listen as an academic exercise, then it quickly loses its relevance. Like speech acts in general, listening also needs to have some grounding in either behavior or connection with community. If I find myself, for example, listening to a friend talk about their relationship many times, I might start to think: what is my role in this situation? What is it like to be the listener to this person's stories, and do I want to be part of this? What do I contribute by being the listener? No one is ever really absolved from having to ask these questions reflectively. In this sense, listening is an art, and a very applied one at that.