The Sense of Purpose in Chan

 During Gilbert Gutierrez's Dharma talk tonight, I once again had that amazing feeling of coming home to the true mind. But I have to say that this feeling is more like standing over a cliff than a comforting 'fuzzy' feeling, because Gilbert was asking his audience whether or not they have a plan for their lives. This was a challenging question, and at first, I puzzled over the connection between Chan and having a plan in life. But as I wrestled with it, I started to realize that there is this kind of purpose in the act of being present: it's not a kind of wandering from one thought to the next, but it's the sense of clarity in knowing where thoughts originate. Once a person is clear about this orientation, the sense of self and the desire for constant gratification of the self starts to diminish, but there is also a sense of wanting to sincerely repent of habitual attitudes and tendencies of the self. I certainly felt this way when I was listening to Gilbert's talk tonight.
   Gilbert used a lot of down to earth examples during this talk, including that of video games. Most people nowadays love to play video game on their cellphones, and the thing about them is how addictive they are. When I was young, my favorite game was one called "Zelda", and the thing I liked about it at the time was how I could master different levels of the game and find unexpected surprises at each stage. But at the end of the day, what does this distraction amount to but the accumulation of abstract and intangible 'prizes'?  Gilbert compared this state of mind to that of a virus on a computer: the virus habitually short-circuits the natural operating systems of a computer to the point where it's original purpose in this moment is continually being side-tracked. Since starting to write this blog, for instance, I was distracted by so many things, including the desire to check my cellphone or even the desire to eat grapes! Where these desires come from is not the clear space of mind, but the limited states of consciousness which are always posing an object and subject. It's like watching a movie and getting so involved in the individual characters that one starts to believe they are one character or another. This mentality can get a person to the point of desperately clinging to one sense of identity, without questioning whether that is their real self or not.
   Gilbert used many examples to suggest that there are ways to mitigate the sense of self, and certainly one of them has to do with propagating Buddhadharma in some way. I can't say that I am doing a good job of that in this blog, but my fascination has always been with the teachings of Chan Buddhism, and I have a strong wish to impart the things which inspire me in my teachers. Continuing the vow is also another way. Gilbert mentioned the idea that when a person makes a big vow, their practice of Chan is no longer narrowly focused on avoiding suffering. They can come and go with others and learn to get along with all sentient beings, based on their conditions; there is no limit to their compassion.