On Being Behind

  There were a few volunteer related things I had to do today which were on the backburner for some time. They ended up taking much longer than I had anticipated. I always feel anxious whenever there is something that I feel I did not do on time. It almost gives me that feeling of when I was in school and had to stay behind if certain assignments were not done. While this might have seemed punishing, however, I also get a sense that the anxiety of being 'pulled back' has a more significant meaning to me which I have yet to unpack. Part of the anxiety actually relates to a visceral sense I have of the body being immobilized or restrained, in spite of my most strident efforts to keep up with a given pace of life.
   I think that in these kinds of situations, two things are quite helpful. The first is to simply lose the sense of time altogether. If linear time feels like the Sisyphian rock, would it be more ideal to simply not indulge that sense whatsoever?  I find that the only way to move forward would be to stop thinking in terms of the future, and only do what can presently be handled.
    Another point is to recognize that things often have their own way of unfolding which can't really be helped. It's just something that needs to be anticipated. In fact, often the reason I procrastinate on things is that I know that something is going to take longer than I wish it to take, and I secretly don't want the task to take up so much time. If I loosen my grip on time and see the task for what it is, I can weather its storms really well, in fact.