Turning the Moment into Something Lovable

    Have you ever wondered why one can easily get annoyed over the smallest things or the smallest trifles? I have often heard Buddhist books talk about it being the ego that always wants to have things a certain way. But there is another question, and that is, what happens for the ego to arise in the first place? This seems to be something worth observing. After all, if there is no comparing one moment to the next, is there even an opportunity for the ego to get involved? I think there needs to be a deep look into this actual experience.
  When, for instance, I even say 'ego', there is already this reified 'thing' that I take to be 'me' or 'mine'. Then another part says that this 'ego' is not okay, and I take all the things I intensely dislike about myself and rack it up to ego. What does one make of this? Who is disliking the ego anyway?
   Anytime I propose that there is something bad that needs to be transcended or is limited in some way, I am operating from some dualistic concern. This is a tricky point, because even words like "love" can entail a dualistic opposite, such as hate or dislike. Can we possibly suspend all of this and live in a psychic space where everything is equal in its own way? I think this is a tricky point again!
   To go back to my first paragraph: the reason one gets annoyed is that one is comparing one state of being to another and preferring it. In fact, the more I desire something, the more irritated I am with my present circumstances and way of being: I am in such a state of distress trying to get the desired thing that nothing else seems to satisfy me at all. And even if I then presuppose a spiritual entity that want to embody, I end up doing violence to myself by saying "I need to be like this, not the irritated person I am now." Rather than softening the edges around that emotion, I create another category of being that is opposite to that emotion and then strive to get to that other side.
    There is always a kind of dialectic process in place when one is trying to open a compassionate space around their present experience. I suggest that there be room to play with the opposites, rather than trying to choose one side and reject the other. Beholding multiple states in mind, all equally, seems to be the way of genuine curiosity, and it is perhaps similar to the notion of Tao. It's not so much about trying to get to a certain place in life, but rather being always open to a candid exploration of what makes things the way they are in this moment.