Focus and Grounding

In the process of focusing on meditation, I have come to understand other principles in life as well. One of them has to do with the process of relating to a method of practice. Tonight, for example, I did notice myself treating the method as though it were a person--perhaps even a divine sort of being. And I was literally appealing to the method to keep me in the present as well as help my body to stay settled, in exchange for my full attention to the method itself. It is odd, because I found that doing this really helped me to stay focused throughout the practice. One might argue that the 'person' or 'being' I am appealing to is only a projection of mind itself. But it can help to see things in this way, because it's an important part of practice to be really devoted to something bigger than the self. I wonder if perhaps the appeal of monotheistic religions is not just this: it provides an anchor in devotion to be able to put one's deepest existential concerns to a higher being.
    One caveat, however, is that this practice only seems to work under the condition that I am not asking the higher power for anything that the ego craves or wants. Instead, what is actually being asked for is a kind of connection to the universe or to one's existence that is deeper than consciousness or the senses. This is, after all, why I came to practice meditation. I didn't come to meditation to relieve stress. I came to it to find the deepest part of who I am and to connect with that. Without that deep connection, life is just scrambling after twigs while swimming upstream against tumbling rapids. And I get this feeling when I am most in meditation: a kind of feeling of despair. I am most fond of the intellect, so I often try to find what I am looking for in philosophies, but actually, intellect does not really suffice to satisfy the mind in any way.