The Rush of Life

   I was reflecting today on how I have had this unfortunate weekend of being late: arriving late, leaving late, and having to push certain events. And I am thinking: what is the deeper lesson to learn from this? At first, I believe it has something to do with simplifying my life a bit. It is quite violent for me to try to cram a lot of things in one day, and it's unfair to my health as well. But I also think that these kinds of situations challenge me to rethink my notions about time, and what I do with time.
   For instance, I think that I have had this idea for a long time that I need to make "productive" use of the time I have. But what does "productive" mean? I think this is tricky, because there is a difference between doing something because it's always "been done before" and originating some new action. The latter often requires space and time to unfold, much of which might even consist of periods of apparent non-doing. If the mind is incubating certain thoughts or ideas, it is often quite active in trying to seek answers or solutions, but none of this is arising in the form of concrete actions. It is as though there is this fertile creativity happening in the background, and yet there isn't yet a visible application for it.
    If I am always trying to fill spaces with things to do, I wonder how much of this process of filling space and time is really considered 'productive'. For instance, if a person only acts for the sake of filling time, the incubating stages of ideas can become lost. And certainly a lot of research suggests that there need to be periods of uncertainty before something can be created. I recall that when I was in high school, the times when I was most inspired to create or write a story were just after these periods of uncertainty: it is a bit analogous to having this urge to label something that one vaguely recollects, but has yet to manifest that label. So it is with anything new. But if I am constantly filling my time with routine actions, I may not be tapping into the creative powers that happen unconsciously, especially when one is not so engaged in filling time.
    During our Chan study group on Friday, I was also struck about the discussion about dreams and their role in the creation of new moments. One of the participants had shared an experience where he had been intimidated by rock climbing until he had a very vivid dream about having the confidence and courage to climb a difficult mountain. Once the seed and possibility had been planted in this person's mind, he felt encouraged to actually do the rock climbing activity. This is an example of how the subconscious mind can influence a person to undertake what is otherwise unimaginable. It also suggests to me that if I only limit my possibilities to what I have done in the past to this day, I am also closing myself off to new possibilities which have been undreamt of up until now. So would it be possible for me to find time in between the 'rush' of time to be still and allow new ideas to surface? I take it as a challenge for me!