What to Carry

     Today, the load was heavy in my bag in the morning, as I headed to the library to do finishing touches on a chapter I am working on. And for the early evening walk, I decided to return with am much lighter weight. And this simple reflection leads me to wonder about how much we can carry in life and how much we need.
     I have found that when my knapsack is heavy, it means that there is a lot in my mind: things I feel responsible for, errands, and meeting that require a laptop. And when I am more reflective of it, I realize that there are only so many things I can do well in a single day, and perhaps it's best to be honest with myself on how much I can realistically do for myself.
    I think a lot of this relates to the topic of mindfulness. I ask myself: if I give myself too many things to do, do all these things make me happier? Actually,  the real happiness is not coming from the number of things I can finish in a day, but from the awareness itself. For instance, if I am doing something haphazardly, or only following wandering thoughts, I cannot fully savor the experience I am having in front of me. It is as though the mind were caught in a moment that has already passed. The same metaphor can go with carrying a large weight up a mountain. Although that weight may contain all the possessions one could possibly require on a long trip, the load itself only adds an extra burden to the journey of climbing the mountain. It is as though the whole purpose and meaning of the journey is subverted in favor of hypothetical doubts about one's ability to survive with little.
     The funny point about this is that it's not necessarily about quantity. It is more a way of being with individual moments in time. If I am relating only to thoughts that have already passed, I see the present in light of the past, and it starts to look unsatisfactory. But if my mind is resting in whatever arises now, then there is no need for me to compare to the past event. Then the quality of that experience is fresh and new. This is living in a way that is not burdened by what has already past, but has faith in the mind that is ever 'here'.