the courage not to be

  Paul Tillich coined the term "The Courage to Be" to refer to the faith that one's life is ontologically meaningful. I started to also think a little bit about the opposite, which I refer to as the courage 'not to be'--that is, not to necessarily affirm one's existence as a separate entity. But I think that this kind of courage needs to be explained, as it is not to be confused with nihilism, or the belief in nothing.
    For instance, does the view of 'non being' mean that one simply does nothing or sees oneself as 'a nothing'? I think this is a kind of trap, because there is a self lingering in there, namely the self that desires non-being. Non-being has a kind of effect of creating a kind of 'nihilistic self' which thinks it is alone in the universe. But when I reflect on where I have gone in my life, I don't think I could say I have ever existed totally in isolation. There are always supports beyond this body which sustain my being and are inseparable from who I am. So this courage 'not to be' could not possibly mean that I have the courage to isolate myself.
    I think a perhaps more nuanced vision of the courage to \not be' is to see that one is never separated from anything. It might therefore start with an inquiry into where 'this body' really begins and to honestly see that there is never this ultimate separation of all things. But this takes a lot of courage because it means giving up a comforting illusion in the self that chooses only pleasant things and shies away from what is uncomfortable. Actually, even discomfort is part of one's real being. But if I take all of it to be me and don't reject it, I might find that nothing is terrible, and I can face everything with a kind of happiness. But if I only identify with pleasurable experiences, I limit my sense of being, to the point where survival depends on preserving emotional comfort or pleasure.
   The important point, I think, would be not to limit who I think I am to comforting experiences, but to open up to all experiences equally. The more I can do this, the less attached I am to the comforts of approval, or always 'having my way', or even creature comforts. I think, then ,that the expression "Courage not to be" might be changed to "the courage not to take my thoughts to be me", or the courage to embrace the totality of mind.