A Dream Within a Dream

A fish realizes that it is a dream within a dream.
Then: who is dreaming about the fish?

The above was something that came to mind while reciting huatou in the group sitting. In meditation, one is never encouraged to take these thoughts seriously. But , just before the first question arose, there was a terrible wrenching feeling: if I let this body go, what will be left of 'me'? What's there to hold onto? But then even the realizer is also a dream. What makes the dreamer different from the dream or 'more real' than the dream?

In the second question, there is persistence in asking, who exactly is watching the dream? If this question isn't raised, one is lulled into thinking they have 'figured out' the dream, only to have a residual belief that there is a separate subject 'observing' the dream. But no matter how hard one tries to reach the subject, all that is experienced is inside the dream itself. If this stage isn't reached, there is still an attachment to the 'being' who is watching the dream. And that too is an illusory thought.

If every thought that emerges is just another delusion or false answer, where does one go from there? Maybe the best way is simply to pray that the answer will spontaneously arise, but not from intellect. Why does prayer make sense here? It's not the prayer that supplicates to an invisible god, but the kind of prayer uttered when one's self is utterly cornered: there is simply no way to turn anymore, and all pretenses are dropped. There is even a desire to be in the question long enough that attaching to the dream doesn't happen again. Again, the though emerges, clear and simple:

May all beings awaken from their collective dream.

Inevitably, the bell rings. And there is no answer. In some Hollywood version of this dream, you might have the meditator who reaches satori (enlightenment) simply in hearing the sound of the bell. But most of the time, it's just a bell. What's different this time? Only that there is space in mind for a bell to be a bell, instead of pointing to a desired state of being. And the second difference is that, this time, the bell belongs to no one.