Seeing Generously

When I read Buddhist texts, the emphasis on generosity tends to be around doing selfless deeds with intention of benefiting others in some way. The basis for generosity tends to be depending on the person's character and needs. I am often fond of reading the passage in the Surangama Sutra where Guanyin is said to give according to everyone's individual goals, paths and needs. I think this is hard to do, and at times I think that the abilities of a bodhisattva depend on a deep appreciation for the nuanced ways of individuals: how they are, how they suffer and what they must go through as unique beings in the world. Without that ability to see into the way people really feel, it can be difficult to meet their needs. I have to say that I am not even close to being at that level. As a beginner, I can only really start with those with whom I am most close, and have humility to know that I might not always know how to treat others with whom I have little acquaintance.
    I came across a wonderful passage in Troy Jollimore's book, Love's Vision, where he describes an idealistic attitude toward loved ones and how they can best be treated:

It is no wonder...that we think it important to be loved if to love someone is to place her at the center of one's world. For to be valued in this way, to be installed at the center of a lover's universe, is to have one's reality and individuality truly and fully acknowledged. Only the lover, after all, looks closely, carefully, and generously enough to truly recognized the beloved in all her individuality. The great horror of not being loved is that one ceases to matter, that the mental and emotional events that fill one's days are not really events at all, for they happen only in one's own mind and not in any part of the outside world. (p.89)

As I was reading this passage, I wonder, is the model of the ideal lover the same as the model of the ideal bodhisattva? Hardly so, I suppose, because according to Jollimore's description, the lover is someone who takes the loved out of a perceived 'interior' that is away from the outside world. Actually, a person who is on the bodhisattva path would probably not distinguish between inner and outer so much, since both 'inner ' and 'outer' arise from the same mind. And the main purpose of the bodhisattva ideal is not necessarily to elevate one person's experience over others but rather to liberate others from attachment to what she considers to be 'her' experiences.  

But on the other hand, the kind of attentiveness that the lover shows for the beloved can be similar to a special kind of compassionate mindfulness, which sees a person in all her or his dimensions rather than only one or two things. What a doctor sees is often based on her training in medicine, and the same kinds of limitation or conditioning affects how others see things, whether one is a Christian, a Buddhist, a Marxist, or whatever. But if a person sees with fullness, she or he is not attached to any 'ism'. At that stage, the person is no longer trying to filter what she or he sees in someone else through a particular ideological lens or preferred view of things. Rather, there is almost a kind of 'seeing for the sake of seeing' or pure illumination which arises when a person lets go of trying to control another person to suit an agenda or hold onto something. Maybe this is close to wisdom, and I think it's possible for this kind of thing to happen in close relations with others. This is a kind of seeing with generosity, seeing without self. Hard to do, but a noble way to look at love.

Jollimore, Troy (2011), Love's Vision. Princeton: Princeton University Press.